A stranger in a Stranger land
by Fire Hippo
Summary: What would happen if me & co. were launched into the FE world? The story from hell this 1! Yes, I promised this earlier, but I had... WoW. Screw the rules, I have green hair. Also, all your stupid puns are belong to me.
1. Chapter 1

**_A stranger in a strange-er land_**

**_By Fire Hippo_**

Yep, back again! And here's that story I promised in my recently updated profile. Have fun! Review me if you want in, I'll consider it! (Profiles already written up, just need names)

This fic came about from a dream I had recently, that me and my friends were launched into the FE7 storyline, and all the havoc we would wreck in it (namely, the sudden, unexplained pregnancy of every woman except for, say, Serra and Vadia, _cough cough phil you freaking perv cough_). Ahem (sound of clearing throat)... so, when I woke up, I decided to try it. Only thing is, the storyline's so freaking hard to create something original with, so I created another war, a little after the war of the dragons (or whatever you call it). I also need at least two more characters (check my profile for more info.) This is not an oc.-only fic, so I'm saying the max amount of extra oc's is six. Anyways, enjoy!

_I amuse myself in mysterious ways. _Don't forget!

**_Intro: '_Twas the night...**

_**Once upon a time, dragon and man co-existed. They shared a...**_

"**TIP! TURN THAT PIECE OF OFF BEFORE I TURN IT INTO SCRAP METAL!"**

_Yep, there's dad for you. One minute over, and it's the end of the world. MY world, anyway._

"**TIP! _TURN THE GAMEBOY OFF!_"**

Sheesh, you'd think I'd bashed in his computer or something, instead of playing 31 minutes of my 30 of electronics. 

"_**TIP!"**_

I stumbled out into the hall, hands in the air. "Dad. I put my gameboy away ten seconds ago. Stop."

My male parent blinked. "... oh." He replied meekly, wind taken out of his sails.

I sighed. "Now, what did you want me for?" _He almost never curses. I wonder..._

"I got something you might like." He was practically hopping from foot to foot, like a 3-year-old on Christmas day (tomorrow, by the way).

"Oh? Pray tell."

" I got you something for your gameboy, some sort of upgrade that was on sale."

"A shredder?"

"... Umm, no. It apparently is supposed to allow you to upgrade your graphics and allow you to do more with the cartridge. At least, that's what the salesman said."

"Wow... generous of you. But... Christmas is tomorrow. Couldn't you have waited... a day?"

Dad looked annoyed. "You don't want it? I could send it back."

"...That's not exactly what I said. But thanks! I'll go install it now."

"No you won't. You're over your time."

"But... fine. You install it, then"

"Good as done." Dad replied, disappearing into the next room.

I sighed. _He is so odd sometimes._

'_Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,_

_only one creature was moving: This little gameboy- addicted mouse!_

Sometime around twelve, after 'Santa had come', apparently from my parent's bedroom in the form of my parents, another shadowy figure slipped quietly from his bed, creeping down the hall to the charger. Gently prying the machine loose from the charger, it re-entered my bed in the same method. Chuckling silently to myself, I flicked the on switch. Suddenly...

"_AIIIIEEEEEE! What the..."_ I managed to strangledly whisper/ yell before disappearing in a sudden flash of white light..,

"Ugh, my head... where am I?" I commented to thin air as I looked around myself. "Whoa..."

I appeared to be in some kind of temple, that looked kind of like the ones in various Link games._ Oh... GAWD no! _I looked down, and was assured to find myself clad in my normal... daytime... clothing. Instead of the pajamas I had been wearing, I was clad in a pair of my normal kackai cargo pants and a white t-shirt, with a red sweatshirt tied around my waist. In the center of the room, there were four pedestals surrounding a large stone. It was what was on them that really caught my eye, though. On the pillars, in this order, were a long-strapped black cloth bag, a polished black sword sheath adorned by jade (, a gold-plated bow with silver trappings, and what looked like a green velvet wrapped quiver, with no arrows. _What in... What the hell is going on?_ And, in the stone was... a sword? Double edged, razor bladed by the looks of it, and shimmering with a mystical aura, handle with mystical- looking runes engraved along it.

_The hell? Sword in a stone? Jeez, how cliche can you get? ... Hmm. Well, this stuff wouldn't be here for no reason... better pick up the sword last._ Pocketing my gameboy, I stepped closer to the stone monuments. Slipping the bag across my back, tying the sheath onto the sweatshirt at my waist like a sword belt, strapping the bow to my back around my neck, and attaching the quiver to my belt too with no divine resistance, or indeed no resistance at all, I approached the rock. As I drew nearer, I could almost swear that I could hear a high- pitched humming noise. Closer... closer...

_Chiiiink! _The sword came out effortlessly.

Suddenly a glowing blue rune appeared at my feet, sucking me in a circular motion to it's self, twirling me around and around...

"_AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_ Was how I eloquently described the feeling, for the second time in five minutes.

* * *

_**Thud**_

_Yep, just my luck. Who else could of possibly landed smack dab on a rock? Oooh, hard, too._

The sudden blow to the belly, mixed in with the dizzying ride and the fatigue, was too much for my poor stomach. _What goes down must come up when you're me. Owww... I hate throwing up._

Done emptying myself of Christmas Eve's dinner, I sat up and looked around me. _What now? _

I appeared to be on a rocky cliff; on the outskirts of a very long looking strip of plain. Rather hard to tell, dusk as it was. _Dusk? It was midnight when I got... well, got moved._ Accepting this resignedly, I looked on. This cliff appeared to also be on the fringes of a set of snow-covered mountains. _Looks like I landed in the only area that wasn't snow- covered. Jeez-us, just goes a long way to show how screwed up my luck is._ Shifting my leg slightly, I felt a sharp pain digging into it. _Son of a... is that the sword? _Re-positioning myself, I stood up. After groping (you know what I mean, don't be perverted) around blindly in the dark for a bit, my hand found the hilt of the sword on the ground. Picking it up gently, I tried to sheath it. Luckily, it slid neatly in. Suddenly, I spotted a dark figure from up the mountain. Reaching into the bag, I felt around. _Torch, torch, please, just a single torch..._ My hand connected with what felt like a piece of tree bark attached to something. The moment I swept it out of my satchel, it burst into flames, revealing a group of five scruffy-looking men. _Score! Now, what the hell do they want? Something tells me..._

We stood in silence for a couple of moments, examining each other. Finally one, who looked more powerful then his companions (which was saying a hell a _lot_), stepped forward with a sadistic sneer on his face. "What have we here? A lone boy, lost in the wild? Here, let me help you with that sword, a child your age shouldn't have such a dangerous toy." He made as if to approach.

_Cheesy bad guy line number 46, coming right up! Christ, what is his problem? That was a line crappy enough to be part of, say, Adventure Quest! ...Could it be?...Well, I might as well give him good guy answer number 46 for good measure._ Unsheathing the sword and causing him to step back, I responded. "No thank you, sir (major sarcasm here), I think I can handle this on my own. Besides, _bad things_ tend to happen to untrained people who handle this blade." For good measure I swung the sword in what I thought was a skillful way, with a self-confident half grin that probably looked more like laughter. The bandits shifted uneasily, beginning to wonder about their target selection. One of the stupider ones asked "Is it cursed?". He was quickly shut up.

I almost laughed. "I believe so." I responded truthfully. _I mean, nothing but bad luck so far._

"Well, cursed or not, we're taking it. Got any other valuables on you? Or will we be forced to work you as a slave?" the guy I supposed was the boss replied. _Touché!_

As we readied for combat, I called out to the rest of them. "You were dumb enough to pick a fight with a swordsmaster." _Hey, if that don't scare 'em..._ "You can still save your lives by fleeing. I won't chase you for now." _Swordsmaster, indeed. I got here a minutes ago! Ha!_

The boss jumped down at me, howling "If you dare insult the Taliver bandits, then you get the honor of dying at their hands! "_Taliver? Where have I heard that before?_ With speed surprising even me, I dropped to a knee and parried the axe, giving it an upward flick and stabbing the man in the arm. The axe lazily thrummed its way through the air, bedding it's self deep in a tree stump. I stood back up and leaned on my sword, grinning at him. "Try again, chubby." I ducked again as a smaller throwing axe thrummed over my head, thudding into the same tree. "I was wondering what you guys were up to" I quipped, backing off to a cliff face that I deemed unclimbable to keep my back protected, the bandits edging off as I went past them.

The leader finally got his axe out of the tree, and promptly charged me again. _Is he retarded or something?_ Stepping to the side as he lunged, I practically gutted him. Suddenly the other four bandits launched their hand axes. I was able to parry one, but the other three hit me upside the head, and knocked me face-first into the ground. The leader managed to laugh, as the others slopped vulnerary over his wounds. "Pah hah... hah. Even the best... fall to the Taliver."

I spat out some dirt, then slowly stood up. "What do you mean, _the best_? I'm only level one!" _Well, I don't really know that, but judging by their faces, I must of hit a nerve._ I reached a hand up to my head and felt around. _I don't feel hurt... HA!_ "Congratulations, you shaved an inch of my hair off the top of my head. Y'all should go into the haircutting business!"

The boss growled and launched himself at me for the third time. I disappeared , only to reappear in four in front of him, building up speed until I was a white blur, slashing out at him once, two, three, four times! _Critical!_ I thought to myself._ Now, how do I know that?_

The other four chose this moment to launch their hand axes hastily at me and bolt. Bad move. The axes missed by miles, and coming the way they came like boomerangs, approached their own owners. Two of them hit their owners, one in the neck, the other in the leg. One died instantly, and the other stumbled and fell. I approached him as he attempted to crawl away. "You. Don't move." He kept on going. I slammed the sword into his hair, millimeters away from his head. He flinched and got the point.

"Righto, I got a couple of questions for you." He turned his head away, lips tightly pursed. "Oh, come on, I'm not gonna ask you where your boss's secret treehouse is or something, I just wanna know simple stuff. You can save your life here, mister." I nudged his head with an edge of my sword, leaving a light red line.

The bandit winced." Ok, shoot."

"Who the do you think you are, attacking innocent travelers? It's very disorienting, lost as I am."

"Well... Magron said... valuable sword... heh." The bandit faltered.

"Oh, so you were following that moron that attacked me's orders? Nothing personal against me...ok. Now, would you be as so kind as to tell me where the hell I am?

"Erm... the town of Rema is closest that way." He said, pointing.

"... Not helping. Ok, what country am I in?"

I almost jumped as he started laughing. "Hahahahahaha! You don't even know that?"

I slammed the flat of the blade hard against his skull. "Answer me, dammit!"

The bandit stared up at me, consciousness ebbing. "Welcome to Ilia..." He slumped down, stunned.

_Holy ... Ilia? Oh my god... I'm in Fire Emblem?... I'm trapped in the game! Trapped in FE7... wow. I wonder how many other people got this lucky? And I really am a swordsmaster?_

Still amazed, I walked over to the corpse of the dead leader, searching his pockets. _Silver dagger... keep, bag of gold... definitely keep, map... keep, ...hmmm? What the flux is this?_ I picked up the circular stone. It looks sorta like a piece of rune essence from Runescape, only it has an odd rune in the center that somehow resembled something like a mushroom. _I know this... a master seal? How the hell did he get one of those?_ I held it in front of me, examining it_. It seems to be glowing... flashing... what the hell! AIEEEEEEEEE! It's... holding me in place with magic! Lightning... what the...? Lightning is hitting me, but not hurting me... oh god no, not the teleport thing!... It teleported me five feet away? Lightning again... gone? What in god's name..._

My gameboy was making strange noises, so I flipped it open. On the screen was a green haired character leveling up from swordsmaster to... marksranger? Level one marksranger, pretty good stats... can now use bows? Sight increased? Maturity increased? _What the hell?_

I looked down at myself. For one thing, I seem to be... taller. For another... what the hell's with all this hair over my eyes? It's... green? Green hair? Why is my quiver full of arrows now? And where the hell did my glasses go, and why can I still see?

The class-up screen is still on, so I study it closely. _Can now use a bow... sight increased... maturity increased... that's ME! That's freaking me on the screen! _

I reach into the bag, mentally begging for a mirror, and I find, again to my surprise, a hand mirror. I examine the figure in the mirror. Fair strands of green hair come down to about the eyebrows, blue eyes peering curiously into the glass. Rather lanky... _looks like I've gone from 5'5" to_ 6'3"..._wow._

I now examine the bag. _Don't even try to tell me that I just lucked out with the stuff... that bag was empty when I picked it up._ I stuck my hand in the bag and felt around. Nothing. _Well then... can I have an elixir?_ I wait a second and yep, it's there. _I gained about 15 more health in that leveling up... I might as well heal._ I replace it in the bag, think _gone_, and it isn't there any more. _Woo woo woo! I'm a'liking this! Well, how about, say, a piece of chocolate? _

Wow. It actually showed up. _Hmmm... this is useful! How about a rocket launcher? _

A couple of seconds later, a note fell into my hand. I squinted in the semi-darkness, and was barely able to make out 'Don't push it (HA!).

_...Ok, it has limits. Fine by me. Now, I might as well head for that town the bandit spoke of._

No sooner had I thought this then I was suddenly teleported into a forest, with a town nearby. _Woah... well, that's convenient. Hope it's the right place._

I examined the town as I could see it. Wreaths decorated every door, garlands were wrapped around every pipe or pole sticking out, including the gate, and the arena. Mistletoe hung in one place too many for my liking, and red clothing seemed to be everywhere. The gate, probably hung with several dozen pine trees, said, "Welcome to Rema.". And below it, a sign said

"Home of the Mercenary's guild, and headquarters of the Pegasus brigades of Ilia"

The best way to describe my description would be four letters. O, M, F, and G.

* * *

Wheeee! That was fun.

I guess I'm about 19 in this story. Yeah, but I look about 21. I'm not actually, obviously

Five pages for a first chappie... yeah, guess you're right. That IS long!

I actually like Adventure Quest and Runescape a lot. But seriously, some of the lines are terrible.

Please review, folks. I wanna know what you think! Flames or not! One way or another, I get a warm (or hot) fuzzy feeling reading them, and I'm pretty cold right now! That goddamm wood stove never is enough.

Signing off

Da Hippo


	2. Chapter 2

A stranger in a strange-er land

Hi! Time for chapter two.

Phil: ZZZZZZZZ

Me: (Shakes Phil) Get up, Phil! You're in this one!

Phil: ZZ... hmmm? Wazzat?

Me: You're in this part! Get ready!

Phil: WHOOHOO! (Cheers). Anyone else?

Me: Well, the Pegasus sisters show up, and I think Justin will be here, and... hmm, we'll see.

Phil: You're the goddam writer!

Me: So? I ad-lib! That's why Soul sword died (sniffs).

Phil: Poor Tip. And he's so emotional, too.

Me: (revvs chainsaw) You were saying?

Phil:... Shutting up now.

Part two: Pegasus anonymous, and friends too (don't laugh, please: I'm very sensitive)

_Home of the mercenary's guild... that means that the pegasus sisters live here! And maybe if I'm unlucky enough, I might run into Sain. And... hmmm, who else?_ I decided to discontinue my thought train, as I had arrived at the gate, and the guards were looking at me like I got my clothes from some alien planet where they had such sophisticated stuff as rubber and polyester. Which, technically, I had.

The two guards were, for lack of a better word, gawping. I guess I would if I saw someone dressed like a FE character walking into DC. One of the guards finally pulled himself together enough to ask "Can I help you? I mean, do you have business here?"

_Hmmm, tricky one. How do I answer this? _"Actually, I do. There is an inn in this town, right? Someplace to sleep?"

"Of course." The guard replied, sounding slightly miffed_. Doh! All towns do in this timephase!_ "That building over there, third on the right."

"Thank you." I replied, feeling rather odd. The other guard, who had finally composed himself, blurted out. "Aren't you cold? I mean, in short sleeves and all..." He trailed off as I looked at him. I considered it. "Actually, not really. How cold is it?"

The other guard checked a thermostat_. Interesting, they know how to use mercury... or else it's some kind of magic_. "Oh... it's only 30 degrees. Not so bad."

I blinked_. Ok..._ "Well, thanks.". I strode off towards the inn, accompanied by dozens of odd stares. There were some whispers going on around me, quietly enough, but strangely I could hear almost every one.

"Whoa... where'd you reckon he got clothes like that?"

"The hell is wrong with him?"

"… freak"

"You're just jealous, Ray."

"What the... are those weapons sacred?"

"How in Emilain's name does he stay warm?"

"Gah... "

That was only a couple of them. I tried not to notice, although admittedly I did blush a bit on the fourth one. _What the hell? ... this is almost getting spooky._

I somehow made it three buildings down to the inn. A sign above it read 'Christmas in two days' I examined the doorway. _Awww, crap. I hate mistletoe. Worse then any other trap I know of._ (For those of you who haven't guessed, I'm girl-shy in a big way. Biiiiiigggg way!).

I checked around the door. Nope, un-sprung trap. I walked in...

and was greeted by silence as everyone turned around and stared at me. _Son of a... why does this keep happening to me?_

A 17- looking year old girl with pink hair and a sniper's bow across her back with an apron on (not just an apron, calm down, you perverts) approached me when people had finally gone back to their conversations. "Pardon me for asking, but who the hell are you?"

I sorta grinned. "Freak of the week, apparently. I'm Tip. Who are you?"

She laughed lightly. "Yeah, usually the only strangers that come here are lords or their messengers, not tourists or travelers. They usually don't make it here. I'm Krystal (Phil let me use this name, don't carp), and I own this inn. You... aren't a lord, are you?"

"You kidding?" I replied. "Not in this lifetime, anyhow. How did you end up owning this place, anyways?"

She turned her head away and started fiddling with the hem of her shirt (see! I told you she had more on! And a skirt, (a pretty decent one compared to the peg. knight's, down to about her knees) ), and mumbled something like "I don't wanna talk 'bout that_.". Ooh, I feel sorry for her. Inheritance is a sad, sad business. I could only manage a _"Sorry"

"Soo... how much does a room cost here?"

Krystal smiled. "For you, nothing. I only charge nobility for the upper-class rooms."

"Geez, you must charge them a pretty penny. How much for them?"

"1000 gold a night."

I almost fell over in shock. "1000? What, do you give them a mansion out back?"

"Nope. Five rooms, a tour of the place, and unlimited drinks." She wrinkled her nose. "Some of the pigs almost earn it."

Heh. "You sure you don't want me to pay? I have some gold."

She gave me a mischievous look. "I won't charge you, but donations are always welcome!"

_Awww, what the hell else am I going to do with that gold? Let some twit steal it? Let the pretty girl have it, she needs it worse than me_. I dug the bag of gold I had taken from the bandit out of my pocket, and handed it to her. "I have no clue how much this is, I got it off a bandit I killed. Merry early Christmas." Leaving her temporarily dumbfounded, I walked around a bit inside the room. As I walked away I could hear the innkeeper gasp. "Holy..."

I spotted something of interest. A cyan- haired girl was over at a table looking annoyed as she was harassed by a paladin with green armor and brown hair_. Holy carping hell... that's Fiora, isn't it? And that... couldn't be anyone except for Sain_. Just out of curiosity, I moseyed on over to a table near theirs and sat down. The moment I approached, Sain immediately shut up and stared at me, as Fiora no doubt mentally praised the gods. Unfortunately for her, he continued on shortly after. Five minutes later he still was going. _Jeez, how many different cheesy compliments can one person think up? Yep, looks like the gamemakers were pretty accurate._ By the time I left, nothing had changed, although she did come flying right out the moment Sain looked away_. Hmmm... Sain drinks_? I noted, as the annoyed-looking knight drowned himself in alcohol_. I really don't want to know how many bottles are there already. Jeez, he's fast!_

Feeling bored, I walked towards the door. I was stopped by a flabbergasted- looking innkeeper. "You do know you just gave me a gold gem, right?" I whistled_. I didn't even know they had those things in FE7_! "Oh, it that what was in it? Well, enjoy!"

I walked quickly out the door, suddenly crashing into a black cloaked figure. I yelped and sprung back, and he stood up. I examined him. A blue- haired male assassin, he looked strangely familiar... A look of recognition dawned on his face. "Tip?"

Alarm bells went off. _Who the freaking... how the... what assassin knows me that would actually talk that has BLUE hair? (I lvld. Matthew up, not Legault, 'sides, he's purple-haired)._ Suddenly I noticed bits of magic swirling around him, barely visibly. _WTF?... oh. If he was one of my friends, who would he be?...could it be?_ "Phil? The hell?"

A grin slowly spread from ear to ear on the assassin's face. "So it IS you? Thank god, I thought I was going crazy."

"What are you doing here? What did you become, assassin?"

"Yep. I was teleported nearby, into a crowd of morons with axes. I stabbed all of them in the back invisible, then stole their stuff. I'm into collecting money, just came from the arena."

_Oh, did you now? Quel du coincidence_! "Actually, I'm headed there now. Meet you back in the inn in an hour, eh?"

Phil gave me a look. "Why? Avoiding me?"

I blinked. "Actually, no. I was headed there."

"What class are you? And how the heck did you get green hair?"

"Apparently I'm a marksranger. I got my hair done by the same thing that made yours blue."

"What the flux is a 'marksranger'?"

"A leveled-up swordsmaster that can use bows. Sorta like a Blade Lord, only I got a special bow."

"Yeah, I was about to say... and a sacred sword? Who lucked out?" He paced around me. "Like a Blade lord... you do that on purpose? To imitate..." He froze and shut up as I whipped my sword out of it's sheath annoyedly, hovering an inch away from his eye. "Sheesh, calm down! I was kidding!" He took to pacing again. "Touchy, aren't you?"

"It's past my bedtime." I reply, grinning.

"Haha, yeah, I guess it is. What's it, eleven?"

"Nope, 12"

Phil blinked. "Geez... hey, wait a sec... how come you get normal clothes?"

I look at him like he's an idiot. " Here they ain't."

He nods. "Righto, see ya."

I call to him as he turns to leave. "Oh, Phil?" He turns back around. "Could you at least TRY to keep your hands out of my pockets?" I quickly strode off, leaving a surprised friend.

_That scheming little... I didn't know assassins COULD steal_. Yawning, I made my way over to the arena, to be greeted by the owner of the place. "Waddya want?" He asked lazily, stretching.

"In." I responded, reaching into my bag. "How much?"

"Free. Prize is a solid gold cape, a Christmas special." He swung up, looked at me, and did a double take. "You sure you wanna risk so much life for a cape? I mean, what are you, 20?"

"18, actually." _So I was lying. Well, to look at me he wouldn't know that, so..._ "And yes, I'm 100 positive I want in. Can I use my own weaponry?"

He examined my sword. "Actually, you have to. What's this, a sacred sword?" I nodded. "Wow... well, there's nothing in the rules against that. Matter of fact, there's no rules. You ok with that?"

"Good, sir; I'd hate to be at an unfair advantage."

He laughed and clapped me on the back. "That's the spirit! Head for cell 13, down the hall." He gave me a slip of paper and sent me off.

_Jeez, how the flux did he know my lucky number?_ I thought as I sprinted down the hall, paper in hand. _This is gonna be fun as hell!_

-------------------

The bell above my cell went off loudly, as a soldier appeared in the doorway. "You. Get out there, now." I silently stepped out the doorway.

My opponent was already out there, armor glistening reddish in the moonlight. A general, with... what looked like a silver lance. The bell clanged, and the general launched himself, lance first, towards me. I jump back, and as the spear reaches it's maximum range, I jump on top and ride it as he reels it back in. Jumping on top of his helmet, which was about big enough to land a helicopter on, I thrust my sword in the crack between his helmet and his back plate and twist, diving away as the man- mountain began to wobble. Sheathing my sword, I watched him fall... FWOOM! The arena floor shook at the fall of the giant. Ten seconds later the victory became official, and a sage teleported the carcass away. ... _I always wondered how arenas made money. They repair and sell used equipment! Well, that was a cinch!_

"The winner is... Tip? Yes, Tip!" The speaker blared out. _Hmmm... magic is powerful in this world, to take the place of speakers_. Next up, he's fighting a Wyvern Lord of Bern, Koophius the Red (HA! Koophius is a name from Anne Frank's diary.)

_Oh crap... a Wyvern lord? Against a sword... ha, I got it! Use my bow!_ I unsheathed my bow as the dragon poked its head out the doorway. Noticing the bow, it tried to duck back in. With a bit of egging, as in shoving a lance hard up its rear end, the dragon reluctantly entered the snow- filled arena. The wyvern's rider almost flinched as he saw the sacred (well, sorta) bow in my hands. I'll give him credit, almost. He mounted the beast and took off. As soon as the bell clanged, he dove like a stone from above. Fortunately, stones aren't good at midair maneuvering, so I was a simple matter to step back. As he retreated, I twirled an arrow around a finger, then suddenly launched it at him as he reached his peak. It knocked him clean off his wyvern, killing him before he hit the ground. His dragon was teleported to a holding cell before it could fly away. _More money... I bet they sell them to Bern to make up for the losses. Another giveaway... damm, either I'm good, or they're bad!_ I noticed my gameboy was making funky noises. _Sounds like the lvl. up tune_. I had no time to check it, seeing as my next opponent, a falcoknight, was announced. "With a Delphi shield" the announcer proclaimed rather loudly. I quickly changed weapons as my opponent, who didn't look a day over fourteen, stalked out. She examined me closely. "Swordsmaster, Sniper... what the heck are you supposed to be?"

"My own type, called a marksranger." I replied. "A combination of both. You?"

"Duh, falcoknight." She replied, sweeping her hair back over a shoulder. _She seems pretty smart... she's got SOMETHING up her sleeve._

(Five seconds and one lance ripped to shreds later, with the pegasus stunned and the girl on the ground pleading for life with my swordpoint at her throat later) DING! "Wise move" I commented to the girl, who had surrendered and was now being teleported out. _Or maybe nothing after all_. I grinned wolfishly, enjoying the victory for the first time.

Suddenly, the arena began to flood, with a couple of wooden platforms being dropped from the sky. I grabbed onto one, and hauled myself aboard as one of my opponents teleported in and another flew over the edge of the arena.

"This is the infamous water match!" the speaker announced. _Nah, really_? "The first team to hit the water loses! This means that all Megan and Anton (See! You're here!) have to do is knock their opponent in, while Tip has to knock them both in at once! The boxes move randomly, and this year have been made indestructible AND unflammable, from painful experience last year." Laughter. _I guess they flamed 'em last time_.

The bell sounded, and the falcoknight rose into the air as the sage, who had apparently been muttering under his breath, suddenly hit me with a bolt of thunder. The result was devastating, for someone who had never been hit by magic before. The bolt flashed through me, electrifying me, for lack of a better word. My blood quite literally boiled for a second, and it scorched my clothing and blackened my skin, and the pain is only describable by my reaction, "YIIIIEEEEEAAAAAAIIE!" The only place not hurting was my pocket, where something appeared to of held the magic off by flashing light. _What the flux? My gameboy's protected, but I'm not? Grrr... at least it didn't fry_! In my mind flashed a thought: _20/35 health left_. Suddenly, I noticed the falcoknight diving in on me. In the corner of my eye, I could see a ball of fire hurtling towards the platform. _Elfire_! The falcoknight chose that moment to lower her lance to my level. Bad move. I managed to jump onto her lance. _Jeez, was that a five foot jump? Haha, I like being so fast_! She immediately dropped her spear in the hopes of jettisoning me. _Yipe!_ Out of sheer desperation, I jumped on her pegasus's head. Another bad move, this one on my part. I swear to god that the pegasus did a barrel roll, quite obviously throwing me off, as well as the other rider. I was about to hit the water when a funky rumbling noise sprung up, and, lucky me, a platform showed up. Or unlucky, as I had fallen from fifty feet. _Oww... I think I broke an arm... oh well. I'll get it healed later_. I turned around as the platform rocked wildly from a splash. _Ha! Looks like she got soaked! Now for the mage, quickly_. I dove to the nearest platform as a ball of fire exploded where I had been a second ago. _Wow... that was close_. As I hit the platform, the other side was flung up, like some sort of catapult as my weight hit the one side so suddenly. _Funny, I coulda sworn I heard a scream..._

Clinging on to the platform, I got up to laughter and applause. The reason became clear as soon as I heard a loud splash. So I had head a scream. When I landed on that platform, I had managed to catapult the sage into the water! My gameboy was making noises again. _Lvl three! AND I won against TWO! Can you say 'owned'_!

A white light surrounded me, and suddenly I disappeared, to reappear in the main hall of the arena again, close to the entrance. A shimmering piece of gold cloth was draped over my head, to thunderous applause. _That's it? Whew... thank Emilain for that!_

The owner approached me, grinning. "You managed to beat the terrible two? Wow... they've won this event for three years in a row so far!"

I nodded. "Yeah, I can see why, I just sorta lucked out. I take it the arena is a serious business up here?"

The owner's grin widened. "Yep, mercenaries love the arena. It's most of their off- duty lives..." He trailed off a bit, and yawned. "Hurrr... I think it's time to close up. Get some sleep, you look like you really need it."

I walked towards the exit, reaching into my satchel. _Elixir_. I popped the cork and drunk a sip. Another thought flashed through my head. Hp: 10/35... Hp: 35/35. I was shocked. _Holy flux... I was down to ten_? I could actually feel my arm righting it's self. _Yeech... disgusting_. I walked out the door, and immediately tripped over a sword. Throwing myself into a somersault, I rolled into an upwards position, and looked at the blade. It was a massive one, attached to a white and gold-armored general who... _holy ... no helmet? He looks just like Justin... no, couldn't be, could it?_ "...Justin?" I asked cautiously. The general's smirk came off quickly, as he examined me with a surprised expression. "... Who are you?" He asked.

"Is that you? I'm Tip."

If there's an easier way to drop a general, I've yet to find it. He sat down HARD, sending shockwaves for yards, and almost knocking me off my feet again. When he could finally speak, his voice was pretty much a high-pitched squeak. "What the... who the... how...?"

"So it IS you!" I commented, delighted. "Have you seen Phil?"

He blinked. "Phil's here?"

"I'll take that as a no. Yes, Phil is here. In the inn over there, where I said I'd meet him..." I glanced at my watch. YES, it still works! "...right now. Come on."

"Ok. Just a sec." He stood still for a sec, then dropped neatly to his feet as his armor disappeared into a metal- coated belt. I whistled. "You store your armor like that? Jeez, I thought you had to carry it around everywhere!" He stood up, and I noticed his size. _Gee, he was like seven feet with armor on! He must have foot-high elevator shoes inside his armor, because now he's smaller then me!_

To cut a long story that no one other than me and my friends, let's just say that Phil WAS shocked to see him, I went to bed the moment I arrived after a very nasty incident involving said mistletoe and a very grateful innkeeper, and I learned that not only is the drinking age ten in Ilia and not enforced, but that Phil had apparently become a raving achoholic who I have reasons to believe will have to be a slave to the inn for the rest of his time to pay for what he had drunk, and Justin, like me, believes rightly that Phil is a raving loon. –Ahem-. Thank you very much. o

------------------

When I woke up, the first thing I could hear was... _screaming? WTF_? I leaped out of bed and dove down the hallway, where the noises seemed to be coming from... _Oh. Of course, mr. achoholic's room. Jeez, he's loud_! A very sleepy looking Justin poked his head out the door. "What the flux?" I indicated Phil's room, and he sighed. "Oh." Slight pause. "I'mma gonna KILL him!"

Krystal appeared at the top of the stairs, bow in hand. "What the flux is going on? Sounds like someone's being tortured up here!"

I slammed a hand to my head and pointed to the room again. "My friend there... actually, it's his first hangover, and..."

She went wide-eyed. "It was? His first time drinking? Holy crud, he had a whole keg!" (HA! And you know Phil would, too)

The endless screaming grew louder_. Jeez, you'd think he'd run out of breath eventually_! Justin winced. "Is there anything we can do to shut him up?"

"Yeah, is there anything here to cure hangover?"

Krystal thought for a second. "Well, there's some mild stuff, but generally if someone really poisons themselves the only thing to cure it would be divine aid..." She trailed off, staring at my sword sheath. _What the... it's glowing again! Ah, of course, this is a sacred sword... hey, that might work_. I glanced up at the sniper, and her face broke into a grin. "Try not to cut him in half!" I walked into Phil's room and slammed the flat of the blade down hard on the back of his head, yelling "SHUT UP!". Stunned, he slumped against his pillow facedown. Justin glanced in at me. "Your plan was to knock him out? I could'a done that."

_Jeez... did he even listen? Oh yeah, he was too busy covering his ears_. "No, it needs something sacred." I replied, keeping the sword on his head.

Suddenly, bits of light glimmered down the edge of my sword onto the poor unfortunate's head, and he jerked into a kneeling position, acting like he was going to hurl. I quickly threw a bucket in front of him and dove for the door, as alcohol tried to exit his body by the fastest means possible. Justin and Krystal simultaneously winced as his pores started venting the liquids.

Suddenly, an alarm you will never be able to get out of your eardrums went 'AUUGA... AUUUGA' (Any1 in the audience ever watched Tora, Tora, Tora? No? Midway? Yeah, I guess not.). _What the... why so LOUD? First mr. heavy drinker, now an alarm? 'This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill.'_

Apparently this was more than just noise to a shocked-looking Krystal, who immediately went vaulting past Phil out the freaking window (?). Fortunately, it was only two stories, so she landed neatly on all fours, then went springing out to the side wall. I looked outside and nearly fell out the window too. _Holy... are those Wyvern Lords? No, some of them are just riders. One flight... two... there've gotta be at least a thousand! I can hardly even see the sky! Son of a... why does this stuff keep happening to me?_ Smacking a hand to my forehead, I launched myself out the window after her, breaking my fall in a roll. From behind me I could hear a loud crash. Changing into his armor in midair... yep, only Justin. Launching myself into a run, I dashed to the wall, ducking as a spear narrowly missed me. Vaulting onto the ramparts with my bow, I launched an arrow at a wyvern that was practically on top of me. The dragon- being shrieked and plummeted to the ground, throwing it's rider and killing him. Mentally congratulating myself, I loosened off another shaft, slaughtering another rider. _This is it? I can do th... aww, crap_.

A wyvern lord had flown up to me, wyvern screeching. The owner smiled sadistically underneath his helmet and dove at me, lance first...

and was promptly cut in half by a sword the size of his wyvern. Justin picked his blade back up and swung out at another rider, winking at me. "You looked like you needed a bit of help."

I nodded and quickly shot another arrow at a wyvern rider that had been aiming for my friend's head. "Yeah, thanks."

Going at this rate, I ran out of arrows pretty quickly. Feeling around in the corners of my quiver, I grimaced. _Arrows... arrows... arrows... DAMM IT!_ Suddenly my quiver filled up again. _What the freaking... all I have to do is mentally curse "damm"? Heeeey, now that's convenient_! I ducked again as a lance plowed right into the stonework behind me, rolling from underneath it and stabbing the owner in the back as he struggled to get his spear out. HA!

Suddenly I noticed a rider behind me. As I spun around to face him, he suddenly fell off his wyvern as if pushed. The wyvern flew towards it's own lines, much to our amazement. Suddenly, we saw a black blur jump out from it to another wyvern. Suddenly (this word is getting boring, neh?), there were gash marks in his neck, as if someone had stabbed him. This blur continued down the line of enemies, knocking out dozens of them. Suddenly (I need a thesaurus) the blur jumped towards the wall, and shuddered into the visible spectrum. I couldn't help but cheer. It was Phil, sheathing bloody daggers.

There were only a couple of enemy remains left, so they temporarily retreated. The defendants let out a loud, if weary cheer, and grouped in the center to discuss.

"We beat 'em." One citizen proclaimed. "We got at least nine hundred, and they only killed fifteen of ours. They've decided to call it a day." Other citizens nodded. _Damm, hate to be the pessimistic demagogue, but..._ "I don't think they're done. Why would they sacrifice that many wyverns on an attack against an almost all- archer town? If they can afford 700 wyvern riders and 300 wyvern lords, they can afford decent spying. AND other troops."

More nodding, but the citizen who had spoken first challenged me "How do we know that you're not one of their spies?"

I gave him my moron look. "Because I just got here last night and haven't had the time to look around this place, let alone report back to god knows where. For that matter, don't you think that the enemy, if they were hiring me, wouldn't want me to be telling you all this now? Do you think they would of wanted me to kill however many?"

A kid who looked only nine who was covered from head to toe in extra quivers piped up "Fifty killed, and he hasn't even asked for replacement arrows yet!"

I blushed. _Damm, I got HOW MANY?_ Suddenly, I spotted a set of dots off in the background. _Oh shiite..., why am I always so RIGHT_? "What the hell are those?" I asked, pointing. "I mean, can anyone else see anything?"

Silence. Then Phil, squinting, said, "I can see some sort of dots, but nothing else. Anyone got a telescope?"

I reached into my bag, pulled out a telescope, and looked out at the blurs. What the... looks like a bunch of wyvern Lords carrying... swordsmasters, warriors... wow, that's a LOT. I threw the telescope over to Phil, and turned to the crowd. "It's a flight of Wyvern Lords carrying other troops." Phil nodded and handed the telescope over to Justin, who looked in it and passed it on to the rest of the crowd.

Suddenly, a pegasus rider came sweeping up to the walltop. "Erm... ladies and gentlemen..." She panted, trailing off. "... The mercenary's guild just heard what's happening, and... well, we've decided to help out."

It was Krystal that decided to answer that. "Ok... but why? Is this gonna cost us?"

"No... um, the guild thinks that if they overrun this town that the guild will be attacked, too. So it would be best to stop them here."

Krystal politely thanked her and issued orders to them. _Stop them here? Sounds like they just wanna pick a fight! _

The man who had challenged me earlier was now outlining his master strategy. "Shoot their cargo to shreds first. It could take a couple of arrows to kill the warriors, though."

_What kinda bull is that? Just shoot them out of the sky_! "No, better idea." I interrupted, causing him to shoot me a death glare. "Just shoot the wyvern. That way, everyone goes down." _Hello! That's gotta be the most obvious plan in existence_! The man looked like he was going to argue some more, but now even the ordinary citizens could see the approaching fleet, just out of arrow range, so they readied their bows.

Krystal was the first to fire, seeing as she had a longbow. It took a wyvern through the throat, sending it's gold-plated (?) rider and warrior clinging on for dear life plunging downwards. "That was probably their flight leader." I observed.

The rest of the group, including me, fired two seconds later. Dozens of arrows flew through the air to connect with their wyvern targets. One swordsmaster landed facedown on the wall in front of me, smashing his face in on the rampart and sliding off. Yeeech... that wasn't pretty.

A brigade of their troops were trying to disembark from high up by going down a rope. _Wtf?_ I picked one warrior off with a head shot and took out three swordsmasters by shooting their rope. _...I got three? How'd they get three on one wyvern_? Looking down I noticed that a whole bunch of enemies had landed.

Suddenly I heard the rustle of wings as three pegasus and a wyvern swept by, carrying their owners, who look strangely familiar_... Son of a... is that the pegasus sisters? And that must be Heath..._ Phil walked up to me with a surprised look on his face. "Was that..." he began. I cut him off "...The pegasus sisters and Heath? Yeah, all upgraded, too,"

Phil blinked. "Really? That definitely didn't happen in my campaign."

Justin, who had been standing there, commented "Mine neither."

I thought for a second. "... Yeah, that would be mine."

Justin gave me a look. "How do you know? It could just be standard storyline, or someone else's game."

I shrugged. "Dunno. Did either of you get to bring your gameboy?" Turning, I shot off a couple more arrows, hitting several heroes. Glancing back around, I noted that both of them were staring at me. _Oh. I'll take that as a no_.

Krystal ran up to us before the conversation could continue. "We're all out of arrows." She panted. "Are you ok on arrows?"

I nodded. "Sure, I've got way too many. Want some?" I produced a quiver from my bag.

She took it and looked at Phil and Justin. "Erm... if you two can't use bows, then... could you help out down there?" She indicated the ground. "Unless you're up here for, like, support?"

_Support? Sure! Ha ha! I think I'm gonna hurl_! I gagged at this, and turned to my friends. "Right... why the hell are you guys here, anyways?" Before I could so much as blink, Justin was diving headfirst off the wall and Phil was already at the front lines. I grinned. "That worked."

She nodded. "It usually does." She paused as she put a third nostril onto a paladin. "Say... do you have many more arrows on you? Most of the rest of the people on the wall have nothing to do but pray they don't get killed."

I nod back. "Yeah, that usually only works for bishops. Who needs 'em the most?"

She pointed at the other side of the wall. "Over there it's the worst."

I ran off at a jog, handing out arrows to surprised archers, and looking out at the battle. An assassin was nonstop criticalling literally hordes of enemies. _With all the instant- death black coming up there, you'd think it was a bad storm three feet off the ground_. I chuckled as I noticed Justin being assaulted by a mini- army of warriors. _Man, you'd think they'd notice he's using a sword._ I blinked as he threw the sword into an enemy, then quickly dragged it back somehow. Huh... a chain sword? Neat! I turned my attention to the mercenaries out in the field. I could see three white blurs zooming around at high speed, turning a large number of enemy swordsmasters and heroes into mincemeat. _The sisters, obviously. Where's Heath_? I looked higher, and above me could see a couple of dots high up dueling. Suddenly the red one went plummeting to the ground, and the blue one proceeded to another dot. _There ya go_.

I reached the end of the line and got the arrows snatched out of my hand like they were tickets to heaven or something, instead of wooden quivers filled with wood and feathers with iron tips. Several people gave me looks that said 'How the hell did you get hold of these?', but I just smiled back. Looking out at the battlefield, I loosened off a half a dozen arrows practically straight up, watching as they landed in various painful parts of several enemies.

With a sigh I sat down next to the arrow kid, who was just wistfully staring out at the battle. I nudged him lightly. "What's up?"

He blinked and looked at me. "Well, I'm out of arrows, so I really can't do anything."

_Hmmm... I could re-load him if he wants, but I don't think we need that so badly, considering how many extras I left lying around_. "Can you fight?" I asked him. _Whooee, just what they need for the front lines, a kid._ "Yeah, I'm pretty good with magic." The boy responded.

_Haha, now that's useful_. I consulted my gameboy, much to the surprise of the kid. _Whoa... lvl 15 mage? Heeey, that's pretty good! How many nine year olds can say as much? Description: A young citizen of the ruined city (?) of Rema, fights for revenge... what the hell is that supposed to mean? Oh... SHIT. This does not look pretty_. Tearing myself away from the apocalipistic-ly depressing description and forcing my facial expression to remain calm, I looked at his magic level_. B? Impressive... that means the best spell he can use is elfire._ I handed him a tome, which he took reverently, as if accepting a relic from the archbishop. "You do know what elfire does, right?" He nodded solemnly_. Doh! Even babies know stuff like that here!_ "Ok, just don't get yourself hurt." The kid literally jumped the ten feet down the wall, landed in a crouch, then went dashing off. _Gee, look what this kid's going up against for his town... I hope he'll be alright_.

-------------

Lucky him, escaping the line when he did. It was a minute later when all hell broke loose. The enemy, whoever they were, committed what would be here on earth the unthinkable since Vietnam: They all surrendered.

I am of course kidding. I wish I wasn't kidding. No, they, in a sense, nuked us. I don't know where they hid them, but they must of had thousands of Druids and Sages.

Imagine this: the whole sky over the town was covered in black patches and little clouds with electricity, for every square inch over the town, including the walls. It was almost an amazing scene if it weren't for the fact that a) there was a particularly nasty looking cloud over my section and b) this little storm was gonna rock the shit out of this town, including the bunker where the elderly and the very young were kept. I am sure that the sight of it actually would of been a powerful image, but I will never know. It was this instant that someone hit me hard on the back of the neck, a blow that probably would of broken ordinary me's neck; and whispered "Even the strongest fall to the Taliver."

As my last remaining consciousness ebbed away, I had one thought swirling around in my head, revolving around and around in my brain.

That question was: _Why?_

--------------------------

Ooh, a cliffhanger! Whoop-de-doo! I'm typing this at 12:30 New Year's eve! Happy New Year!

I'm publishing it now because I had no internet access then. Don't carp.

----------

Alex(B): Hey, I wasn't in this one!

Me: (grins maniacally) No shiite, Sherlock.

Terrorist: You American pig, die! How dare you make cheap puns out of my religion! (Blows up in Alex's face.)

Alex: Owww... WTF? I'm Russian, you cretin!

Terrorist's molecules: WTF?

Me: New look, Alex?

Alex: ...Shaddep

I don't love flames, but I'll bear 'em, 'cause I'm the stoic kinda' guy that likes to type " ' " over and over again, ''''

ROFTL ..

I didn't do it, the devil made me. Remember that line. That and "I have no such recollection, senator."

Guitar Hero is, in my opinion, the definition of 1337.

To my anonymous reviewers: Get gaddamm accounts, willya? It's not that hard, and it's free. All the same, thanks absoballylute tons. And both of my new ocs…

Megan, I'mma gonna assume you're a girl. Let me know if I'm wrong. And Anton: I'm gonna assume you're a boy. I'm pretty sure of these, but I'm just making positive. Don't wanna offend any1 more than I have to.

If you two don't object, I'm gonna make you bro. and sis., because if I make you "childhood friends", then magic starts happening, and next thing you know ()POOF(), two kids, and a torridly cheesy romance. And I am not trying to get myself killed. Colm and Neimi… you know how… blah… they can get. So… brother and sister… and NO twincest, or anything like that. IS THAT OK WITH YOU? YOU CAN PUT AWAY THOSE MACHETES, PLEASE?


	3. Chapter 3

**_YouknowwhatthetitleisandIdontwanttosayitagain_**

I amuse myself in mysterious ways 

----------------------

Me: Aiiieeee!

Phil: Wazzap?

Me: I've got a whole bunch of songs stuck in my head, and it's screwing with the story!

Phil: ... Such as?

Me: Well, whenever I write about myself, I start thinking the words to "Infected"

Alex (R): Ooh, good song.

Phil: So what?

Alex: Consider the following line: "You and me, have got a disease... you affect me, you infect me... I'm afflicted, you're addicted..."

Me: It really is not a good song to think of when, say, you're pairing yourself.

Phil: (winces) Ouch... do you have a song for me?

Me: Sure! Ever heard of "Sharp Dressed Man?" by ZZ Top?

Phil: Haha, I like... how about the others?

Me: Hmmm... well, Justin's is probably "Take Me Out", Volkie is "Take it off"...

Phil: Whoa, hold it! Volkie's is **_WHAT?_**

Alex: "Take it off", a song by a band called the Donnas... girl band, don't carp.

Phil: (Grins maniacally) I'll go restrain Volkie.

Y'know, I don't know if Guitar Hero was a good or bad thing for me, but I don't care.

-----------------------

_**Part three: **Quest to hell_

_Pain, swirling around inside. Sheer pain. No thoughts, no emotions. Just pain._

_Then, suddenly, parts of this pain ease. Just a small patch of blue in a teeming mass of red. The blue spreads even further across me, then sinking deep in_. (Ha, recognize it? It's a variation of "advanced sports psychology", something I picked up in a squash camp.) _Powerful relief soaking throughout me... _(You bored yet? I am. Time to wake me up!)

I stirred slowly from my unconsciousness, opening my eyes and squinting up. All I could see is a pink and white blur leaning over me. The view sharpened... Wh... what is that? The face... that's someone I know, I'm sure. Huh... 

I slowly attempted to move into a sitting position, and flopped back down. "Huiii..." I breathed, eyes still mostly shut. _Well, nothing's wrong... must just be from just waking up._

Suddenly something hard slammed against the top of my head, and pandemonium broke out in front of me. Two voices cried out "What the hell are you doing?" , and another laughed. I jerked violently and opened my eyes wide open, yelling "SONUVA..." (probably not in that order) I twisted my head around to see Phil holding Justin's blade and laughing, with Justin looking surprised and pissed off, and Krystal practically standing on top of me with an eyebrow raised. I sighed. "Did you **_have_** to do that?"

He just laughed harder, so I just smacked my head and tried to get up. "Erm... Could you get offa me?" I asked Krystal hesitantly. She blushed and leapt back, allowing me to jump up. I looked around. _Whoa, where the hell am I?_ It looked like any ordinary field, stretching for about a mile in one direction, surrounded by a range of mountains. It looked like it was around_... what now, six a.m.?_ "...Ok..." I said to no one in particular. " Where are we?" I turned back to the group.

"We're in a small valley next to where the village... was." Krystal's voice cracked slightly.

I walked up a nearby mountain, and looked down in the other direction. Bodies were strewn among the blackened ruins of the city, piles of scorched and rotting corpses spewed everywhere. I nearly barfed. _The agony of defeat... shit, that's disgusting. _I suddenly remembered the mage kid, and checked my gameboy. _He's somewhere where the battlefield was... oh. Stunned, three health out of thirty, just lying there... that's only ten spaces away... I oughta tell the rest where I'm going. _Loping my way back to the group, I skidded to a halt and winced sympathetically. "Sorry. Listen, I need to go somewhere. If I'm not back in thirty minutes, feel free to do whatever the hell you want."

"But... why split up? We could come with..." Justin faltered. I shook my head. "Set up something here, I'll be back. Unless your movement's eight, you'd just slow me down." _Eight? How did I... wow._ "I just have to find someone." With that, I dove off in the direction of the mountains, flinging myself wildly off of cliffs and crags (what the hell are crags, anyways? Bits of rock?). In no time (well, 1& 2/8 turns of hard running), I reached the prone form of the arrow kid. _What is his name, anyways?... oh. Keyla. Let's see... looks like he got stabbed in the back of the leg... arrow in the back, sword stab in the elbow... _I flipped him over onto his front, and winced. _Geez, he got it. Scratch marks like a laguiz cat, heavy burns all over... yecch, face flesh burnt solid black... clothes ripped up... it looks like he got raped by a burning cat with rabies, or something. Are Laguiz even... _I froze suddenly.

_Coulda' sworn I heard a... there!_ I jerked my head sideways so I could see the glimmer of white in the corner of my eyes. The white figure jerked out of sight behind a cliff quickly.

_What the...? great. Tactician's nightmare. Now what?_ Suddenly, I sprung up to the top of the cliff, unsheathing my sword. _Sonuva... I didn't do that! My body..._ I snapped out of my confusing thought train as I landed, and noticed a cyan- haired girl dressed like a falcoknight practically at my feet, clutching a silver lance. On sudden sight of me, she keeled over onto her spear (I mean silver lance, I'm just putting my new thesaurus to use) with a strangled moan. _What the... well, that worked. Hmm... that looks like Fiora. _Kneeling beside her, I laid the flat of my sword on the top of her head. _Heal_. Sparks of healing magic streaked down the edges of the blade, merging into her head.

The effect was instantaneous. She shot up, took one startled glimpse at me, and jumped backwards, holding her lance in front of her. _Yipe... I shoulda used elixir. _Remaining on my knees, I held my sword up sideways to show her the blue strands of magic that ran its length. "Healing. You fell onto your spear in shock."

She nodded, but kept her defensive stance. "Thank you... who are you, then?"

"I'm Tip" I answered, rising to my feet. "And you are... Fiora, right?"

Her lance and jaw in shock. When she could finally speak, she sounded flabbergasted "H... how do you..."

"I'm an old friend of Aka's (my female tactician's name.)" _Well, time to see if this is my campaign or not._

She blinked, then smiled. "Oh, really? That little firebrand? Well, then, that's a different matter. Well met, Tip."

_Score! If this is this campaign... Oh shit... Tip, you cretin, the kid! _ "Nice to meet you. Now, if you'll please excuse me..." Not waiting for an answer, I rushed off down the hill to the still-prone form of the kid, and re-unsheathed my sword. I could hear light footsteps behind me. Without turning around, I cautioned "Don't look."

_Judging by the horrified gasp and the retching, someone didn't listen to my advice! Jeez._ Laying the flat of my blade on the ravaged body, I half-turned to face the retching girl. "I told you so."

I turned back around as the boy began to stir, wounds busily knitting themselves together. His eyes slitted open as he began to regain consciousness, then opened wide in anguish as he noticed the gaping tears in his body. "_Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..._!" would be the best way to describe his reaction.

Wincing, I thrust as much power as I could into the healing sword. _Heal, please... before I lose my eardrums! _ The scream died down to a low whimper as the last cut mended it's self together. Mage Kid, aka Keyla, looked up at first my glowing sword, then me. He relaxed slightly as he recognized my face. "Huii... where am I?" He asked, sitting up.

"... I believe we're one mountain range away from where Rema was." I responded, checking my gameboy. "...and one from my camp." I continued, closing and re- sheathing it in my pocket as Keyla peered curiously at me.

"What was that?"

_Whoops._ "Oh, er, that? Heh... nothing, really." _TIP! You stupid... at least change the subject!_ I was spared further questioning as Fiora, who managed to get out "What happened to you, anyways?"

Keyla looked over my shoulder at the falcoknight, puzzled. "Huh? Who's that, mister?"

"This is one of the mercenaries who was helping to defend the village. Her name is Fiora." I responded. "Good point, though. What did happen to you, anyways?"

The young mage turned his eyes away and blushed a very deep red. " Erm... I really don't wanna talk about that."

"Please. I need to know." I responded, thinking quickly for reasons. _Need to know? What a joke._

_...Geez, he's gone, like... purple! This must've been bad._ "Can I please not say?" He pleaded.

"If you don't say, anything could have gone in those wounds. Poison, disease... anything cruel enough to put gashes and burns like that on a kid could be using all sorts of substances." Fiora reasoned. "It's for your sake."

Keyla sighed. "Ok, fine. I was fighting behind a general with white armor and a sword on our side (_Justin!)_, casting elfire over his head on a crowd of enemy paladins, when suddenly a completely unarmed girl with some glowing stone showed up, and..."

"Describe her." I interrupted._ Glowing stone... unarmed... I'll be dammed if this isn't laguiz._

"Shorter than me, raven- black hair down to about her ankles, which she wore around her, golden stone glowing with some type of energy... it felt like dark magic, attached to her neck by a thin greenish- looking metal wire... can't say I can remember anything else..."

_Ok..._ "What do you mean by 'wore her hair about her'?" Fiora asked.

" I mean, she wore it. As clothing. I didn't see anything else on her, it covered her up." He responded, flushing an even darker color.

_Whoa... _ "Well, fortunately for you, you're not hemophilic, otherwise it would of been death by nosebleed for you." I quipped, grinning ever so slightly.

"HEY!" Keyla yelled as Fiora chuckled lightly (would you expect a woman to chuckle otherwise?)

"Kidding, kidding!" I held up my hands as the disgruntled mage reached for his magic tome. "So... what did she do to you?"

"She sorta... well, hissed, really: 'I've been looking for you.', then touched the gemstone at her neck and ... suddenly turned into a black cat, and started attacking me. There was something... perhaps it was the dark magic- that burnt me. And...(longish pause as he explained something rated M)"

My jaw dropped slowly. "So you really WERE raped by a burning cat?"

He nodded miserably. "Sorta.".

"SONUVA..." I commented loudly, wincing, as the disgusted falcoknight behind me started retching again. "Well, that means you could have poison, rabies, or AIDS..." I mused... "...Stop it. You're turning green"

Fiora finally calmed her stomach down. " Well... that's a more disgusting story than I ever hoped to hear."

_Sonuva... should I be getting back? Yep, it's been twenty minutes. _I turned to Fiora. "I need to go. Can you take him with you?"

"I could, but... where's you camp?" Fiora asked. "We could join forces."

_Join forces? What is this, a crusade? Where're we going?_ "Mine's over there." I said, pointing.

"Oh? Ours is in the opposite direction, that way... how about you take him..."

"My name's Keyla." The kid interrupted.

"Ok, how about you take Keyla down to your camp, and I go and have the rest of my group fly over." She proposed. "Me and all of my sisters fly..."

"...Pegasus, and Heath flies a wyvern." I finished. "Heath is with you, right?"

"...Actually, yes. How'd you know?"

"Just a hunch." I considered it for a second. _Why the hell not?_ "Ok, just fly on over."

She nodded, and strode briskly away. _Note to self: Never stride in drag. _Turning away, I walked (walked, mind you) away in the general direction of camp, gesturing for Keyla to follow.

"Seriously, is there gonna be anything wrong with me?" Keyla asked.

I considered it. "Other then the mental damage, the shame, the possibility of being the father of catwoman, and the possibility that your 'admirer', if you will, may come back to finish the job? Absolutely none."

Keyla sniffed. "Somehow, that wasn't very assuring."

I patted him lightly on the back. "Hah, don't worry. Just as long as you don't tell everyone, you'll be fine. Besides, I don't think you're even capable of having kids. Age?"

"Twelve."

"There ya go. Two years, minimum. Anyways, if she shows up again, I promise I'll do my best to make sure she keeps her paws off of you, no pun intended."

"Oh ha ha." The tired and surly mage returned sarcastically.

In about two minutes, we reached the camp, where apparently some type of breakfast was being served. At the sound of our approach, Krystal whirled her head around in our direction. She relaxed on sight of us. "Oh, it's you. And... Keyla, is that you?"

"Sis! Good to see you!" Keyla exclaimed, his face lighting up on sight of her.

Phil blinked several times. "Whoa, hold it. Where were you, who's he, and these two are related?"

"...um, I was just a mountain over, this is Keyla, the kid who you might remember as the arrow kid; and apparently so." I responded quickly, my head beginning to ache.

"Yes, Keyla is my younger brother." Krystal added.

"TMI." Justin groaned, holding his head. (Hey, it WAS only 6:45, give him a break)

"... sooooo..." Krystal commented after a long pause. " What are we going to do now?"

" We're waiting for a couple of survivors to join up with us." Keyla responded.

"Can they fight?" Justin asked.

"Yeah, it's the pegasus sisters and Heath." I responded. "Oh, and please don't try to even pretend that you know the tactician, you don't."

"..." Keyla and Krystal spontaneously said. "Huh?"

"Nothing, nothing. Have you ever met any of them?" I quickly asked, turning to the siblings.

"I don't know them well, but I've definitely seen and heard of them before. I did meet one, a pink-haired pegasus rider that looked about 15 (author's postwar estimate) or so." Krystal responded.

"Florina, right?"

"Yes, that's it"

"Thought so. You, Keyla?"

"...Well, I did meet one of them once in an arena duel..." Keyla began, but was cut off by a glare from his sister. "Keyla! What did I tell you about going to the arena?"

"I wasn't fighting, I was just delivering something to the arena owner! Met her in a completely non- battle circumstance!" The young mage protested as his sister glared it him.

"We can re-continue the Spanish inquisition at a later date, ok?" Justin intervened. "Can you describe the pegasus knight you met?"

"um... actually she was definitely a Falcoknight." Relieved to have the questioning off of him, he responded quickly.

"Whatever." Justin waved it aside. "Can you describe her?"

"Sure. Indigo hair and eyes, seemed to like using killer weapons, appeared to have an affinity to amina (you know, the three circles in the "affin" box)..."

"Sounds like Farina..." I thought aloud.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Continue."

"... Lessee... ah, dressed rather scantily for a Falcoknight and seemed to like money..."

"Definitely Farina." My friends and I chorused, grinning.

"Yep, that was the name she gave." Keyla nodded. "I take it she's well known for that?"

"Only that." Justin responded, with a dreamy-looking Phil adding in "And looks."

Smacking a hand to my head over the last comment, I turned to Keyla. "Remember the mercenary falcoknight you met when you woke up? That's the third and oldest sister of the trio."

"Oh? Well, it shouldn't be long." Keyla responded, laying down on the grass and closing his eyes. "Let me know when they're here."

"Hasn't he been out cold all night? Why does he need sleep?" Phil asked to no one in particular.

"Unconsciousness isn't sleep." Krystal and I responded simultaneously.

Yawning, I dove for the nearest bit of food, and sat down to wait. "Like he said, it could be a while."...

(30 minutes later...)

"Yiiiiiiiiii! A wyvern lord!" Krystal shrieked, diving for her bow and hastily fitting an arrow on.

"Hold up, hold up, hold up! That's an ally!" I yelled, but was a little too late.

The terrified sniper shot off an arrow directly at his (Heath's) head. Quickly sticking a hand out to prevent it, I was rewarded by getting said arrow _straight_ _through my hand_. Wincing, I plucked the arrow out and handed it right back to her, placing the palm of said punctured hand on the flat of my sword. I gestured at the Wyvern rider as he came into view. "See, he's got mercenary markings on his armor. He's an ally, one of the ones from the guild. Please pay attention when I tell you to freeze, it saves me health."

As our new allies fluttered their way up into our valley, Hyperon (if anyone doesn't know who this is, I KILL YOU!) let out an ear-piercing shriek and lunged at us. His rider slapped him on the head. "Shut up, Hyperon, they're friends."

As the final echo reverberated around the mountains Keyla sat up, almost stunned. When he finally could speak, he commented "y'know, you could of just shaken me awake.", and sat up just in time to watch the first of the sisters land gracefully, as Heath circled up ahead.

Mass introductions (that I will NOT describe, thank you very much) were made all around, as the pegai edged slowly away from their bloated dragon counterpart. I half-grinned, turned my head, and asked "Did anyone else from the mercenary's guild survive?"

Fiora thought about it for a second. "Well, a certain _Sain_ did survive, but when we last saw him, he was blubbering over some 'belle'."

"Etrudian for 'beauty'" Krystal responded, just as I added in "His horse, I'm pretty sure."

"Oh? Well, that would make sense."

"Sh... should we w...wait for him?" (Guess who!) Florina stuttered nervously.

I fixed my gaze on her. "Do you WANT to wait for him? Florina, now muted, shook her head vigorously.

"I don't think we'll wait for him. We'll probably see him later."

Heath shook his head. "What's the probability of him following us?"

"A lot. I can give you four reasons why he would want to come." I responded.

Heath caught my gaze and nodded in sudden understanding. "Point."

"Well, should we be off?" Fiora, slightly put out, said.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Did I miss something? Where're we going?" Keyla and I simultaneously said.

"Why, we're going to go fight the bandits! They've imprisoned dozens of squadrons of Pegasus knights, as well as hundreds of other mercenaries!"

"Yeah, Tip, get with it! Gotta do the cliche thing!" Phil chorused, grinning widely and narrowly ducking the blunt end of Farina's lance.

I smacked my hand to my head. "Alright, ya gotta do what ya gotta do... I'm tactician. Any objections?"

Justin and Phil both raised their hands. I looked around at the rest of the group. "None? Good. I'm tactician."

"But... but..." my old friends blubbered.

"You two don't count. Alright, which way to go?"

Krystal pointed with the bloodied arrow. "They went thataway, sah!"

"Why is that arrow coated in blood? And why is our tactician's sword bloodstained?" Farina asked, finally noticing it.

Krystal attempted to tell the tale, but I cut her off. "Long and insignificant story, tell it on the march if at all."

"Sir!"

"Shut up! If one more person calls me 'sir', they get hit over the head with a sledgehammer!" I yelled, pulling a sledgehammer out of my bag.

"You keep a sledgehammer in your bag?"

"Look, JUST SHUT UP AND MARCH!"

"But I'm flying!"

"THEN SHUT UP AND FLY!"

"Sir... er, I mean ok, Tip."

I sighed and slapped my hand to my head. _It's gonna be a long, long day for me._

------

Well, howdya like?

Look, I'm really sorry for my lateness, my lack of patience with readers who actually like this opus so much they want in, and to Megan& Anton. Please accept my apologies: I'm sorry for being late, I'm glad someone likes this bullshiite, and I didn't put you two in ch. 2 just to pwn you! You show up bigtime later on!

I'll try to get the next chappie out ASAP. Give me patience, and I'll reward you with good writing! And some actual humor, other then my occasional cynical remarks.

Your Homework: Read the stories '14 days' by Char Char wu, 'irony' by Alius Eninigma (sp?), and 'FE: The dark king'. Or, something like that. Read and rate them in a review to moi, so I know what kind of an audience I'm dealing with here. Scale of 110, one terrible, ten awesome.

The show won't go on 'till I get a review from at least five from the audience.

_**Tally Ho! March on, wotwotwot!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Guess who's back?**

Chapter 4: Smells like teen spirit 

_Oh... my... gawd..._

I made my way to the edge of the newly pitched campsite, sat down on a stump, and held my head in my hands. It had been a long day for the newly appointed tactician of this band of vengeful crusader-wannabes, and the two freaks who happened to be by friends weren't helping. In between Phil's constant flirting with Farina which had wasted a killer lance, half a dozen vulnerarys, and my patience on him; and Justin's insistence of wearing his armor on the march, which, beside the obviously annoying **_clank, clank_**, also caused him to pass out with a heatstroke; I had not taken much help from them.

"Erm... Tip?" An extremely timid voice called out from behind me. I slowly brought my head up, and turned my head to see Krystal, probably tied with Fiora for most helpful, standing behind me cautiously, as if I was about to explode. Like I had at least fifteen times during the march. _I really need a new job. Like... being a perverted ass. But I don't think Phil would give that one up. And come to think of it, I don't think I would be so good at it._ Smacking myself on the head, I controlled my thought train and looked back up at her. "Yeah? Can I help you?"

"I... just wanted to know if you would eat with the rest of us. Will you?"

"Dinner? My god... of course!" _Could eat a horse" would probably be an understatement, come to think of it._ I jogged to the middle of the camp, with the sniper right beside me. "So... what's to eat? I mean, what is it?"

"Venison. I caught, killed and cooked it with some help from Florina." Krystal grinned. "I'll make a cook of her yet."

"Oh? Venison? I've never tried it before..."

"That so? Shame... just sit down on the ground." Krystal finished talking as she reached the center area. I grabbed a plate and sat down. _Florina off to a side talking to Krystal and Keyla, Fiora and Justin discussing something or other, Farina attempting half-heartedly to kill Phil for doing something no doubt perverted... yep, an ordinary scene for us... I oughta get used to it, seeing as I'll be commanding this bunch until god knows when._

Just out of sheer boredom (_1)_, I sidled over to Justin and Fiora, who were shaking hands just as I sat down. "Just getting to know eachother." Justin told me.

"Ah... I was gonna say... Fiora, if I were you, I would attempt to make sure Phil doesn't attempt to get to know either of your sisters _too _well, eh?"

"Yeah... I had sort of figured on that... he really isn't, like, that perverted, is he?"

At this, I raised an eyebrow, as the girl blundered on, hopelessly attempting to defend him. "I mean... he's not completely..., like, like, perverted, is he?"

Both Justin and I raised an eyebrow at that. "Take a wild guess." Justin responded sarcastically.

"He's like Sain times ten at times, only more sneaky and less above rape and taking advantage of girls." I added, shaking my head. "And you're beginning to sound like a valley girl."

"...What?"

"Never mind."

Fiora leaned in towards the two of us. "Y'know, I think Farina sorta likes him. She's not actually trying to kill or sexually maim him like she usually does with anyone perverted."

"Can't see why." I grinned, with a sniggering Justin adding, "It's easy to see that he likes her. I mean, he's left you, Krystal, and your other sister, Florina alone.".

The falcoknight clenched her fists. "Ooh, if he so much as tries to touch Florina, I'mma gonna... he is kinda cute, though." She clapped a hand to her mouth.

I held a hand up as she looked back up, flushed practically black. "Won't tell, I swear by my word of honor as a tactician, swordsmaster, and person who can't stand Phil."

Justin nodded. "Though that would be a funny story, I swear that not even Sodium Petherol could get it out."

"T... thank you...I don't know how to... I don't know how that..."

"S'okay. Happens all the time to us."

"Really?"

I gave Justin a malicious grin. "Oh, really? Pray tell."

"Erm... well, not in that context, obviously, but sure it does." Justin salvaged, kicking my foot.

"Thank Emilain... what's Sodium Petherol?"

"Er... it some sort of truth drug. You know, forces you to tell the truth, forces you to speak..."

"Magic?"

"Erm... sorta." Justin ad-libbed lamely.

Yawning, I somehow made my way to my new tent, which had a long name marker on the top. _'The almighty tactician's tent...'? You've GOT to be kidding me... heads are gonna roll, just as soon as I get some sleep._

-----------

"**YAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU PERV!"**

_What the...? _I sat bolt upright as said scream punctured my sleep, my thoughts, and a bit of my ever-dwindling sanity. _Oh my god..._

I dove out of my tent just in time to see the blue-haired assassin fly backwards into a tree, with a very pissed off looking Fiora holding a silver lance much like a baseball bat or a quarterstaff. _What the hey... maybe he's not just after Farina after all...I still have to kill him, though._

"What'd he do?" Krystal questioned Fiora as I made it over to her side.

"He... I woke up and I just saw him sneaking into my tent..." Fiora, almost too mad to speak, huffed.

Justin walked over, trying to hide a grin. "He said he was aiming for Farina, he just got the wrong tent." _How did I guess?_

Krystal shook her head. "We're gonna have to neuter, er, spay him sometime during this campaign."

"Amen to that." I nodded. "He's gonna make me crazy long before my time otherwise."

Keyla grinned, then shook his head. "Absolutely insane... shouldn't we be going?"

I examined my watch. _Only 7:30? Man, this is one early-bird army. _"Yeah, I guess so."

After quickly revitalizing the ever-perverted assassin and firmly informing Justin that if he attempted to wear his armor on the march I would cut him to shreds with a rusty armorslayer, the ever-disturbing army that I happened to be commanding advanced into 'enemy territory'. _My best guess is that our enemies happen to be endless forests. Otherwise this isn't completely unfriendly land. _

**-------**

"_Tip." _

I half-jumped at whatever had whispered my name, then relaxed and slowly turned as I recognized Krystal's voice. "_Yeah?"_

"_Don't look now, but I think we're being followed."_

"_Oh? What makes you think that?" _I responded, trying not to look too secretive.

"Rustling in the bushes behind us... now to the side. Only a person could be that methodical, and it's been stalking us for at least two minutes.(_2)_"

I casually looked around behind me, as if examining the scenery, while Phil chipped in silently. "_She's right. I've been watching it for a while, too, and it's not coincidence."_

"_How would YOU know?"_

"_Assassins know these things." _Phil returned smugly, winking at me. "_Just trust us."_

Faking a yawn, I bumped into Farina, who was stopped and looking at me. "What were you just talking about?"

"What are _you_ talking about? And why have you stopped?" I pretended to be annoyed, slapping her pegasus's rump and causing it to neigh and take off. I then turned to the rest of the party. "Keep moving! I'll be a couple of seconds, just keep going in the right direction." And with that, I sprung into the top of a tree, and waited.

In not very much time, I saw a golden fleck on the ground below me. Then a humanoid figure came into view, and I noticed that the golden stuff was hair, (I mean REALLY gold. Not that demented type of blonde they call gold, actual metal-colored gold, with tinges of black. Not that I know anything about hair...)_ Gold hair? Wow... He appears to be cautiously stalking the group... like he's looking for something... _Stopping the flow of thoughts as he passed underneath me, I dropped into a soft patch of grass directly beneath him and ducked down into it as he turned, alarmed, in my direction. I waited until his breathing and footsteps settled, and crept up behind him, pulling a silver dagger out of my satchel. Suddenly, he straightened and looked out in the opposite direction of me. _Carpe diem... or carpe chance here!_ Diving at him, I wrapped an arm around his windpipe and pricked him lightly in the back of the neck.

"Who the hell do you think you are, stalking us?" I froze as I noticed the pointed ears. "An elf? What do you want with my group?"

"Accckk!" The elf attempted to respond, running out of oxygen. Noticing that I was sort of killing him, and eager for an answer, I threw him down on the ground on his back, leaning over him with the dagger at his throat.

Instantly, I began to notice a couple of things about him. One, he was only a halfling. Two, he actually looked pretty sorry.._. I guess he's not necessarily a homicidal maniac._ Three, _something about him looks strangely familiar..._ It was then that I noticed the small flecks of white magic sparking about his aura... _oh you kid... not another of my friends! Lesse here, who could he be... Bliskovsky?_

"Alex?" I asked, half hoping it wasn't.

"What the... who the... T-Tip?" _DAMM IT! It just had to be, didn't it?_ He sat up, brushing the dagger away. "I had no idea where I was, so I just followed the first people I saw... where are we?"

"You're not going to believe this, but..."

**-----------**

Alex rubbed his temples. "So... we're in the middle of Fire Emblem?"

"Yes and no. We're on the continent at just a little bit after the game's time period, and so far it looks like the same people plus some, but it's not the same plot. Welcome to northwestern Ilia, on the continent of... damm, I don't even remember what continent it is."

"Great. You'll have to fill me in on the storyline and people, seeing as I've never played. I... can come with you, right?"

"Waddaya think? That I'd leave you for Mauthe doog fodder?" I retorted.

"Wha...?"

"Sorry, wrong FE title."

"... Will you let me come?"

I pretended to consider it. "Nope, you're on your own. Good luck, glad to see you, and enjoy yourself."

"HEY!"

I smacked him upside the head. "Dumbass! That's what you get for asking such a stupid question. You're coming with us whether you want to or not!"

"Cool!" Alex beamed.

"Right, here are the rules. I'm tactician, whatever I says goes, don't flirt with anyone or act perverted, that's Phil's job, and NEVER, whatever you do, tell annoying perverted jokes, OK? This is an army of mildly more mature people than you are or are used to. Also, the world doesn't to need to know about the pointy ears, eh? Keep 'em covered, and you might not get slaughtered by a mob. We can't not tell the rest of the group, but try to keep them covered over if we enter a town."

"Gotcha. Are elves even in these worlds?"

"To the best of my knowledge, no. They aren't in the game, don't show up anywhere about the game except for fanfics, and it's best to be safe, you know? In the other two games creatures of all sorts run rampant, they'd be more accepting of beasts like you." I explained.

"..." Elf- boy gave me a death glare.

"Do you have the skills of a elf from Lord of the Rings? I mean, skill with a bow, speed, incredible sight, and all the grace and strength, and all that?" I asked, hoping. _Now THAT would be useful._

"Hard to say, seeing as I've only been here for 'bout two hours, but... well, I was using a bow until it just disintegrated, and was pretty kickass with it considering it was my first time ever shooting a bow. As for sight, well... actually I saw your lot walking through the trees around five miles away, and rushed as fast as I could to get a closer look."

I held my hands up to stop his rambling. "Wait up! How long ago was this?"

The elfling thought for a second. "Erm... twenty minutes, I think."

My jaw dropped for a second. "That's a four-minute mile, and less because we were moving even further off. You're saying you did that, and weren't even panting for breath?"

"I didn't feel very tired, anyways..." Alex cut himself off as he realized what he was saying. "Holy sh..."

Beckoning as I rose to my feet, I dove off in the direction of where "my army" marched on, as the elf launched himself after me. "Well, looks like I'm bound to be the Alpha and Omega of your army, your royal tacticianness." A now-cocky elf commented, matching my pace.

"Royal tacticiane... call me that again and I'll gut you." I cut back, skipping over a rock, forest blurring past at an incredible rate. "It's not the best idea to insult anyone as fast as you, especially if you're weaponless." _Didn't think 'bout that, eh?_

We stopped dead as he noticed his vulnerability. "Shit. That is right."

"See, that's why I'm tactician." I grinned and pulled a killer bow and a quiver of arrows from my bag. "Here. Use this."

"Thanks." He threw it over his shoulder. "How 'bout a sword, or something?"

With a deft flick, I un-pocketed my gameboy and checked his weapon class. "Nope. You're a sniper, no frogsticker for elf-boy.". Re-pocketing it, I charged back off, closely followed.

"Don't you _dare _call me elf-boy, or I'll..." Alex threatened.

I stopped cold just in front of a tree, and caught him by the scruff of his neck. "I'm sorry, I don't think I heard right there. Did you just threaten your new commanding officer?"

"Wha...?" He attempted to protest, cut short by my slamming his head into a tree. _Oof._

"Shut up! Try not to talk too much shit about me or at me with the army, if you don't wanna end up turfed out on your ass. You can cut yourself out of here pretty quick, seeing as my patience is about null by now." _With any luck, he'll keep quiet now. Last thing I need, another agitator._

Leaving with my parting shot in his ears (_3)_, I took off in the direction we were heading in, leaving a bewildered elf to rouse himself behind me. _Wonder where that came from? Not much like me... guess I'm just tired of being bullshitted. Not that it'll stop him..._

Naturally, my disappearance had sent most of the army (the unknowing ones) on hyperalert, and when they learned of the stalker, panic began to mix with uncertianty and general paranoia. Despite these obvious reasons, I was still pretty surprised when I found myself pinned to the ground by a spear through the chest. _SONUVA... _Clenching my teeth, I looked up the shaft at the startled-looking girl holding the other end. I just blinked at her. Farina gasped and dropped said spear, causing me mildly more discomfort as the barbed prongs ripped into flesh, further exploiting the opening4. _HOLY SON OF A..._

Coincidentally, at this moment Alex showed up on the other side of camp. _The only perk of this is the look on his face. Hah! His jaw's damm near hit the ground!_ I chose this same convenient moment to introduce him. "Odd time though this may seem, folks, please look behind you. The elf's name is Alex. Army, Alex."

The whole army stopped, blinked, and then shook their heads. "Poor Tip. He's delirious." Justin said sadly.

I squirmed on the ground. "Seriously!"

Fiona shook her head. "The last elf in these lands was driven out before the scourging, even. They haven't been seen since..."

"Now, if you'll just freaking look behind you!"

"Not possible."

"Just look."

"Not possible."

"JUST FREAKING LOOK!" I bellowed at the top of my lungs. _Oh my GAWD..._

Krystal turned, and gasped. "My god!"

"Now don't _you _start on us!" Farina said, shaking her head. At which point Florina, who had ventured to give my stubborn insistence a chance; gasped and swooned.

"Erm... hi." Alex meekly responded to the army's glance as all of them turned around and gawped at him, and Fiora followed her youngest sister's lead.

"TOLD YOU!" No prizes for guessing who this was.

At which point (I need a new thesaurus) Farina, who was looking a bit unsteady on her feet, collapsed in heap (onto a certain assassin, but that's a different, slightly more perverted story).

"Girls." Justin said, shaking his head. "Always such an unstable species."

"Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em." I responded, grinning and narrowly ducking Krystal's hand.

"Does this usually happen?" Alex asked me, looking slightly green.

"Every bloody day this happens. Get used to it." I responded.

"No. I mean the spear." He said, pointing to the haft sticking out of my chest.

"Oh, this? This is a traditional Ilian greeting!" I attempted to say seriously.

Watch him run! Jeez, what does he have against cynical jokes? Don't tell me he fell for that! 

-------------------

The bumbling, pathetic excuse for an army tripped off on the march towards... well, towards where they were supposed to be going, which was slightly south-east, towards a subtly more ominous range of mountains. Snow and ice gave way to bumpy rock and sheer cliffs, wet rock dampened by springs running through it like veins in a human. For once I was glad we were stumbling through the hellishly dense woodland rather than taking the "easy, clear way with none of these (_5)_... Tree roots and bushes obscuring our way." This was Phil, who waxed surprisingly eloquent then _(6)_. _Still, better trip on a tree root than a jagged stone crag, better a 5' 10" (Krystal) to a 6' 3" (moi) fall then a thousand-foot drop. _

To the left of me, and agreeably close, trudged a weary-looking Krystal. An incredibly skilled tracker and hunter with a surprising knowledge of stealth, field medication, and (most useful, this) the local terrain; she had easily been the most useful member of the group. Without her help, the barbed short spear that had been stuck in me would probably still of been there. To my right, chatting up a storm _(7)_ with the rest of the army, a certain elf strode tirelessly _(8)_ His entrance to the army was rather controversial, and those who didn't know him took a fascination in him, even little Florina. Those of us who truly knew him shook our heads sadly. We knew what exactly we were dealing with, and pointy ears and fancy hair was not going to change or lessen our suffering. Sure enough, he was insufferable, and, as always, regrettably prone to sarcasm. With the exception of Krystal, who had seen many things in her career and treated him with polite quietness, the rest of the army was fascinated to the point of obsession.

Slightly further behind, Justin and Phil lagged, just barely keeping up, Justin chatting animatedly (Again...As always...) with Fiora, whose Pegai hovered around his head level. _Man, they must find eachother fascinating conversationalists, or else... naw, couldn't be_. _Not Justin. Phil, maybe..._

Fiora's fascination with my friend was a far cry from that of the other pegasus sisters. Florina, as was obviously predictable, sticked to her sisters like glue, as well as making friends with Krystal, and shied away from the males, except for the elf9, who only a few avoided. As for Farina, she spent her time avoiding a certain assassin at height (10). Heath, who had been keeping extremely low-key (Ok, I confess, I forgot him.) in the group, was flying through the mountains, looking for bandits and the like.

I pulled my attention back as Krystal poked me in the arm. "Yes?"

"Mind giving us a break? Not all of us could run for weeks on end without breaking a sweat, y'know."

I blinked. "I can't do that, either."

"It was an expression." She stifled a cat-like yawn and glanced at me.

" Ok, you get your break." I felt no need to argue it. _Hell, why not? I could use a break myself._

The rest of the extremely grateful army trampled into the slight clearing and flopped to a halt. Not feeling any need for stealth, I pulled a flare arrow out of my bag and shot it right in front of Farina, who was about half a mile up, wishing to avoid unwanted attention. She brought her pegasus into a steep dive, and within seconds was sweeping past me, buffets of wind bending small trees and nearly sending me flying. Her voice, when it came out, was hysterical. "What the hell was that?"

"Wish I knew." I attempted to shrug nonchalantly, flicking my bow behind me from behind my back. "Anyways, I was about to figure out some way to get you down here."

The rest of the army, who had been too busy talking to notice the flare, just shrugged and went back to resting. _Wooh, close one there. _

"Hoi, what the hell is this doing here?" Phil asked, spinning a certain bow around a finger.

Whoops...

------------

Night was fast approaching as a large flying blot on the horizon appeared from the distant mountains and swooped in on us. I was alerted to its presence by Krystal and Alex simultaneously tapping me on each shoulder. Disoriented, I looked at both of them one by one, then turned around behind me. "What the..."

"What?" Both of them said simultaneously

"... Nothing. What is it? Krystal first." I said.

"Have you seen that shadow thingey coming in? It's been heading towards us pretty fast."

"Oh?" I looked outward. _No kidding! Jeez, that thing must be going fast._

"Actually, that's what I was going to say." Alex nodded slightly in the dark.

I peered further into the darkness. The blot was zooming in our direction at an alarming rate now. "Eh, well found. Good observation, both of you. Thanks." _(11)_

I grabbed the rest of the army with a couple of whispered commands, and we set up in a sort of protective formation _(12)_, with anyone who had a bow keeping it nocked and trained on the target.

"Please don't fire until I say so." I whispered in the dark, sighting down my shaft. "If not for yourself, then at least for me. It hurts, friendly fire. I don't wanna have to stop it again."

"What is he talking about?" Alex turned to Krystal.

Her face darkened into a rather obvious blush. "Well, see, once I...

"Stow it, will you two? It's coming almost into voice range. Save the story for later. Like, when we're not having a showdown with a mysterious flying being. Suffice to say for now that the story was a shot in the hand for all of us." I grinned silently in the dark and shifted my hand slightly. _Ah, me and my cynical throwaway quips. I wonder what I'll do when I run out?_

The 'mysterious blot' turned out to be a wyvern with mercenary tags. I tapped Fiora on the shoulder. "That's Heath's wyvern, I'd bet my sword on it. Could you get me up there?"

She blinked in surprise. "Heath? How can you tell?"

"Who else would have green armor in the mountains? Look, could you fly me up there, or do I have to jump?"

She shook herself out of the apprehension, and moved slightly forward in the saddle. I hopped on behind her. "Thanks." Her pegasus took wing rather swiftly, and we zoomed off towards what I sincerely hoped was Heath, _if only for peace's sake._

Something to be said about flying here: It looks like something, sure, but that's not even half close to how it feels. Exhilarating is an understatement. It feels like you're top of the world. Through the cloth separating my hands from the waist of the owner _(13)_ of this magnificent beast, I could feel her slim figure relaxing slightly, un-tensing from the strain of just sitting and waiting for an unknown enemy. How she could sit still for so long and just wait was a mystery for me. It was this instant that I developed a passion for flying.

Anyways, we soon intercepted the wyvern flying wearily towards us. On closer inspection, its wings appeared to have a damp blackish14 substance trickling down the wings, and it did have a rider. In the gloom I could barely make out Heath clinging onto his wyvern's neck with an arm, his other one hanging limp with an arrow in it around shoulder height. I waited until Fiora had drawn up parallel with the wyvern, then disentangled my arms from around her waist, and gripped the sides of the pegasus. The girl started and turned her head around behind her. Anxious blue (well, cyan) eyes glanced back at me, startled. "What are you doing?" She yelled at me.

Despite myself, I grinned at her. "Getting off. Meet you back at camp, eh?" Without another word, I launched myself off the pegasus, and went flying towards the wyvern.

Perhaps I shouldn't have jumped. It was a pretty pointlessly risky thing to do. Too low, and I would go plummeting about 500 feet to rock bottom. Too high, and I would go right over, and back to rock bottom. Still, it was a riot to do, and when you have the reflexes of a snake, there isn't much of a worry. And, as I thought, I lightly tapped down on the giant beast's back. I secured myself, crouched down, and then examined my immediate surroundings.

First, the wyvern. It flew limply, as if bone-weary, not having even noticed my landing. The black liquid on its wings was quickly confirmed as blood. On closer examination, I found a red-fletched arrow in the middle of its left wing. I quickly plucked it out, put my sword to the opening, then wiped the blood off and turned slightly to face the rider.

Heath was hardly better off. He had been able to stem the bloodflow early, but his arm was caked thoroughly in blood, and it was easy to see he had lost quite a bit of blood to the arrow. He was half-conscious, barely keeping awake enough to hold onto his dragon's neck. I tapped him lightly on the shoulder, and steadied him as he jerked out of his trance. "What the..."

"It's me, the tactician. Behind you." I grinned slightly as he looked from side to side, befuddled.

"Thank god, I thought it was a... wait a second. How did you get here?" He frowned in perplexion.

"Fiora flew me up."

"I didn't see the pegasus."

"Well, you wouldn't have, would you? You weren't exactly the most observant person about ten seconds ago." _True enough, I guess..._

He nodded sort of shamefacedly. "Eh. Well, I was just..."

"Save your report for when we land. Now, I have to see if I can do anything to get this arrow out." I plucked it out after quickly determining it wasn't barbed, and cleaned and sealed the wound with liberal appliance of a vulnerary _(15)_. I then re-bagged the vulnerary bottle and hopped off _(16)_. I then viewed my army, which was huddled together wide-eyed, with a jaundiced eye. "What?"

"Is that Heath?"

I glanced at the speaker (Farina). "Yep. He wasn't well off, either. Looks exhausted."

Heath half-hopped, half fell out of the saddle, his lean form almost bent in exhaustion. "Permission to report, sir. I flew around the mountains for a day and a half without seeing anything. Then I found it."

"What?"

"The entrance to the bandit's hideout. Suffice to say, this is not exactly your ordinary bandit gang."

I thought back to the attack on Rema. "Yeah, I had sorta figured on that."

Heath continued. "It was then that I was spotted by their security. It wasn't much, compared to what I expected. A couple of wyvern riding guards, nothing special. The only surprise was that one of them had an archer in a saddle behind them!"

This was obviously a surprising innovation for riders of the air. _Damm, they're pretty advanced for bandits! Not even Bern's elite were that innovative during this time period (__17) __. Maybe this is an experiment of Bern's?..._ I forced myself to listen to Heath as he continued. "The archer managed to nail me in the arm from point-blank range as I took the spearman out of the wyvern he was on. Then, as I was headed to report, all hell broke loose. Elimain only knows where they came from, but suddenly the sky around me was filled with ballista bolts and lightning." _Raining ballista arrows and bolting spells? Sounds like a macabre thunderstorm._ "Hyperon got hit in the wing, yet still continued to fly, dodging arrows where he could. We were almost free when suddenly a bolting spell nailed me head on. I was stunned, and remained that way until now."

I nodded. "Can you lead us to this place?"

"Yes."

Krystal smiled at him. "You did well. Rest up, and yell if you need anything to eat."

Heath turned, then started and turned back. "Oh, one last thing. I was able to overhear the three guards talking. They knew we were here, and were planning to attack tonight."

I blinked in disbelief. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. The guards said something about wiping out the intruder _(18)_ before they could continue their plan."

My shoulders sagged slightly. "Great. Well, thank you for that information."

As he left, the rest of the army began to, for lack of a better word, panic. I gained attention with my normal polite and in control, calm deneamor. "SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I FREAKING KILL YOU ALL!"

As the rest of the army turned to stare at me in shocked silence, I took a deep breath. "Well, if y'all will be as kind to stop screaming like a bunch of headless chickens and let me hear myself think, I can come up with some sort of plan."

A long moment of silence prevailed, while I thought. Finally, I mused my thoughts out loud. "Well, let's use logic here. They're going to be using a combination of wyverns and brigands. Most of us use swords, quite a few of us use bows, and we're all fast enough to outspeed both of those unit types, with the possible exception of Justin. I can supply anti-wyvern weaponry if you need it, and we all can dodge attacks. Just try not to get hurt, and holler if you are or if your weapon busts."

"Right." The rest of the army nodded. _Well, if I do this right, there'll be no challenge to my leadership after. Why not make it precise?_ "They probably will strike at full night, that's the smart thing to do. So much more chaos. Thanks to that, y'all can rest until later on. We'll want to post a watch. I'll take first watch, Alex, you take second, and the rest will draw straws for the privilege of so on and so forth. Any questions?"

Krystal raised her hand. _She did WHAT? What is this, junior high? Just goes a long way to show exactly how naive we are, teens playing with fancy blades._ I hid my thoughts by instantly answering, "Yes?"

"Are cooking fires okay?"

"Ummm..."_Hmmm. Shoot..._

Alex answered the question for me. "No good. It effectively blinds us and signals our foes _(19)_."

As the army settled down, as tactically reassured as any group of people that might be about to be slaughtered could be, I smiled and flopped down onto a rock. _It could be worse, I guess. Somehow._

--------------

45 minutes later, the peaceful silence of the night was broken enough to rouse my attention. Maybe it was the beat of the ungainly wings of the wyvern flying through the air. Maybe it was the noise of soft footsteps in the mountains a mile distant _(20)_. Maybe it was the loud curse in Latin and bolt of fire that went flying from the sky to send the fire of hell spiraling and rocketing into the air, frying a wyvern alive.

Well, SOMETHING did it, anyway.

I grabbed the army quickly with an, "It's on! Get over here!" and jumped to my feet, sword already in hand. The rest blinked and jumped up to stand by me

"What's on?" Keyla asked curiously.

"Yeah, what are we doing?" Farina asked. "I thought we were letting them come to us."

I grimaced. "There's been a slight change in our job here. I'm not completely positive, but I suspect that we're not the only victims here, or even the target."

The rest of the army alternately gasped or swore in surprise. "How can you tell?" Alex asked.

I jabbed a thumb over my shoulder as a lightning bolt rang out and sliced a brigand in half. "That was what aroused my suspicions. Any doubts now, seek mental help."

The rest of my army took off behind me as I jumped my way down a rocky path towards the battle. Trees, bushes, and rocks blurred past as I 'went into hyperspeed'. The ground in front of me whipped past as I launched myself through grass, rock, sheer cliff, an... _just a cottenpickin' minute... WAAAAH!_

I clung for dear life to an outhanging rock as I yelled to the rest of the army, "Don't go any further." I then proceeded to hold on even tighter, and pray that no one couldn't stop themselves.

As the dust cleared, I sighed in relief as I thankfully noticed that no one had gone plummeting to their doom, and slowly clambered up to solid ground. I then peered out over the quarter mile separating the cliff the rest of us were on, and paled slightly. _I don't think even I could make that jump._

I sighed and clasped a hand to my forehead. "Well, I don't think we're going that way, somehow." I waved a hand in the general direction of the fight. "Fiora, take your sisters and get over there, will you? He looks like he could use a bit of help"

The girl nodded and took wing, closely followed by her sisters. I started to beat my brow for ideas. "Well, with no air transportation, I guess... aaack!"

My thought train was quickly cut off by a javelin grazing the top of my head at incredible speed. It cut a faint red line across my forehead. I slowly backed my head out of the dirt and considered the javelin embedded about a whole foot into the nearby ground with a slightly greenish tinge about my face. _JESUS CHRIST!!!... that was fast! _I stepped aside and spat out a bit of loose dirt as Krystal pushed past me and tugged the thing out of the dirt. She spun it, and brought it up to the light of a torch that Justin was carrying. She examined it. "Standard javelin, looks a little too big for pegasus knight... a falcoknight, maybe?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa... what?" My head spun. "You're saying a _falcoknight _threw that thing at me?!"

"A- yep." Krystal nodded.

"You're saying a _teenage girl _launched that thing at me? That was upwards of 90 miles per hour!"

"Miles?" Krystal looked slightly perplexed.

"Erm... sorry, leagues." _Woosh, I've gotta watch it here before they stuff me in an insane asylum._

Krystal nodded slowly. "A- yep."

"HOW?!?"

"Well, some... eeeeek!" Krystal's speech was cut off by an arrow thudding into her arm, as shafts came whistling down from the heavens. I dove to the ground as a balista bolt the size of a crowbar grazed my hair and slammed into Phil's cape. "Incoming!" I managed to yell rather pointlessly as the rest of the army curled up into a ball and groveled on the ground as whistling death came streaking towards us and filled the surrounding sky.

Ten seconds later the thwacking of arrows nearby let up slightly, and I bounded to my feet and checked everyone else for damage. "Get up." I hissed after healing Krystal's arm. "No one here's badly hurt."

I bounded up a rock face and looked up. The occasional balista bolt still flew on down. One plummeted towards Phil's head. I grabbed my sword and deflected it away by reflex as he continued to clamber up behind me. Two more were easily deflected by myself and Phil as Keyla and Krystal scampered up. I then looked up and surveyed the surrounding sky with a jaundiced eye. I quickly turned behind me as the sweeping of wings lightly cut the air. _Oh lord... well, here they come!_

----------------------

A large number of pegasus riders swept towards us... well, over us. I blinked as the first swooped over us. _What the... what happened to the attack on us? I guess they still have no clue. _Keyla watched them flit naively overhead in wonderment. "Elamain be! They have no idea we're here! Looks like we're still an unknown!"

I nodded. "And all this is being sent to simply reinforce the horde going after whatever it is? This must be the whole mages guild!" A thought struck me. "Pent?"

Krystal shrugged. "Lord Pent, you mean? Could be. But there's not much we can do for whoever it is, aside from the support of the pegai sisters."

"We need more information." Keyla suggested.

"Well, I don't see any information booths aroun... wait a sec, I've got an idea. Krystal, you're the best archer here. Could you shoot accurately with rope tied around an arrow?"

Krystal nodded, although looking slightly mystified. "Rope? Sure. What would you...?"

Phil cut her off. "Hostage, eh?"

I nodded. "A- yep." _Man, he's quicker than I thought!_ Pulling a long coil of thin rope out of my satchel, I tossed it to the sniper, who twirled an end around a larger arrow. Then, pulling her longbow out from where it was strapped behind her back, she looked down the arrow for potential targets, then turned to face me. "Where should I shoot? I mean, where on the pegasus or rider?"

I considered it. _Hmm... well, it can't go around the rider, or else it might pull her off to a rocky doom of about half a mile... _"Aim to have it wrap around the pegasus' body in front of or behind the rider. See if you can't tangle it through the saddle so it stays secure, too. Try not to hit anything painful."

Krystal gave a wolf- grin as she sighted down her arrow. "I'm not the best archer in Rema for no reason! Now, let me see..."

I turned to Phil, suddenly aware of something. "Where's the rest of the gang?"

Phil peered into the gloom. "I... don't... ah, there they are. Charging down a path that leads to... where the mage is."

I groaned and slapped my forehead. _Lord, just what we need. Another idiotic slip-up on my head._ "Well, I can't think of how we can get to them, and I don't see any fault in our current plan... We'll follow them once we know what we want."

"Ah! There!" Krystal turned to me with a triumphant smile, a rope dangling from the sky with one end in her hand. "Now what?"

"Phil, if you wouldn't mind?" Phil blinked, got the idea, nodded, and clambered up the rope with surprising speed, leaving me stuck praying that my really idiotic idea just _might_ work. So, I did the only thing that came to mind. Pray some more.

I looked up as the rope that Krystal was holding went taunt, then started slackening again. We all looked up.

A pegasus drifted towards us in the now complete dark. It appeared to have two riders, one of which appeared to be covering the mouth of the other. As they drew very close _(21)_, the one in front made a sudden, twisting move, and swung what looked like a lance around behind him/her. The second figure ducked, the lance tip pricked the pegasus' wing, and the first figure had just enough time to scream before the pegasus crashed brutally into the rock at our feet.

A form that was unmistakably Phil's dismounted, saluted, wobbled, and collapsed at my feet.

Snapping out of my temporary shock, I dove to Phil's side, placed the flat of my sword on his head, and healed him as Krystal rushed past me to examine the pegasus' rider.

Phil got unsteadily to his feet as Krystal approached me. "She's pretty badly off, I think, but I can't tell with no light. Can I have a torch?"

I nodded and passed one to her. "Knock yourself out.". I stiffened in surprise as Phil swept past me, passed Krystal, and kicked the prone form on the ground near her pegasus. "Bitch." Phil muttered, kicking her again.

He was about to do it again just as Krystal swept the torch into the air, and it burst into flames, revealing the girl lying on the ground. Phil let his foot fall, stubbing his toe as he looked at the girl in awe. My breath caught in my throat, and I heard Keyla and Krystal gasp next to me.

The girl had knee-long light blue hair with white (_22)_ running down part of each hair. She was dressed... well, in decency's name I will not describe her outfit23. Her lance was adorned in a lot of weird ribbons that I later learned was her hair.

Absolutely gorgeous. And, judging by Phil's expression, it looked like he concurred.

However, her looks didn't really matter now, information did. And, stunned as she was, she was sort of worthless for this.

"Isn't that Megan?" Keyla asked tentatively.

Krystal started. "You're right! What's she doing here?"

Megan... the chick I dueled in the arena battle! What the...wait a sec...

A nasty thought came to me. _With all the light coming out of the torch, and that scream, don't you reckon that the rest of her flight noticed?... oh... _

I watched the pegasus knights circling us nervously. "Erm, guys... I think we've got a problem."

"SHIT!" The rest of the party cursed violently, whipping weapons to the ready.

Stuck with four people on a small cliff face with a pegai flight and an unconscious hostage of theirs trapped by us... we're doomed. Well, at least there's no way this could get worse.

Suddenly, a bolt of light flashed outwards from the edge of the cliff face, and a purple-haired mage knight rode out of it. _Isn't that the pegasus' brother? ...Somehow, this bodes ominous._

His voice, when he finally spoke, was venomous. "What the fuck do you think you're doing with my sister?"

Oh, lord...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally!

Yes, I know, I suck for not posting within... half a year. But you knew that I sucked, anyways.

Disregard any previous orders. I don't have any right to boss anyone around. As a matter of fact, I haven't even been on Fanfiction since I posted my last chappie.

Was it good or bad? I tried to alter my writing a bit. Any difference?

I'll try to get the next one in sooner!

**Well, this was interesting. Waited half a year off the writing (Blech… I blame World of Warcraft…), pick up again because I'm off internet for getting one more B than A, and find that I already have a chappie ready to go, 15 pages and all. Jeez, as my ferret would say if he could talk. AND all my footnotes are all endnotes, and this stuff doesn't make very much sense off of microsoft word (If you want it in it's original context I'll attatch it to an email) . Bugger. And someone told me I accidentally ripped the title off some book. "...I don't care..."**

**ALL YOUR REVIEWS ARE BELONG TO US! (As in my cowriter and I, Elf-boy and I)**

_1 Having disposed of my food over the course of ten seconds. Don't ask me how_

_2 GASP! Two whole minutes! Whatever shall we do? The point is, if it's a coincidence, it's a very odd one._

_3 Not to mention a hell a lot of leaves_

_4 Sorry, not putting you off your lunch, am I? Just 'cause I write doesn't mean I like it._

_5 These polite astrixes represent a muffled series of words that left little of the speaker's opinions to the imagination, had they not been dampened by me thwacking the speaker in the mouth._

_6 Obscenity aside, of course._

_7 Predictably_

_8 Don't get me wrong, I wasn't tired. Quite a few others of the army were, though. Even Hyperon and the Pegai were beginning to flag._

_9 Not that I'm implying that there's any exception there..._

_10 It mostly worked. Not that he didn't try..._

_11 Perhaps it was just the lighting, but I could of sworn that I had seen Krystal blush slightly. Just thought I would mention it._

_12 Formation cum defensive line cum slightly defensive-looking cluster of apprehensive adolescents (More realistic, this). Look, I use the term 'formation' loosely. It's just my way of speeding the story along. Best to be more precise in the footnotes (as well as more cynical)_

_13 Another, considerably less spiritual, advantage. I wasn't exactly Phil, but you can understand that this was an exhilarating moment in more than one way for me._

_14 The color meant little, seeing as everything was a darker shade at the time._

_15 This not being a very wieldy place to handle my sword in._

_16 AAAAHHHHHHH... No, seriously, we were only 15 feet up_

_17 Well, wyvern-archrers probably weren't in FE6, and they damm weren't in FE7. This takes place between the two._

_18 NOT A TYPO! You'll see._

_19 I mentally promoted him to assistant tactician at that moment. Looks like he kept his wits about him here._

_20 My hearing had gotten a lot better thanks to my 'upgrade'. Yes, I could hear it then. However, it wasn't the most obvious sound at the time... well, what are you reading this for?_

_21 About 100 feet away._

_22 (WHITE HAIR DOES NOT ALWAYS SIGNIFY AGE! It signifies, among other things, power. Take Pent. He's only 30 or so. How about Kingdom Hearts and FF's Seperoith? Most badass guy in the frikkin game. Cloud's hair is almost white, and look at him. Killer (Ok, so I kicked his ass in KH1 and 2, but that's beside the point).)_

_23 Fine then. Be that way. She was dressed in a pegasus rider's normal outfit. That is, it looked like the kind of clothes that even Farina wouldn't wear in decency's name. A miniskirt about four inches long, a low-cut shirt that... well, I guess it covered what it was supposed to, although barely, and a lot of extra ribbons of cloth that no doubt looked stunning in the air, but here made her look like a prostitute dumped in a laundry basket._


End file.
